A Dove Ready to Fly

It was such an effort for her to get to Canada in the first place; why ever did she choose to go to turbulent Cambodia?

By Lu Jie-xiang

When I was little I had many lovely dreams. I dreamed I would become a teacher, or a journalist or a writer. But I had never dreamed of becoming a missionary. In fact that is a word I had never even heard of.

Life is full of mystery. But when I take time to trace back my footprints in the past, I can see how God has been using many different ways to prepare me for the situation I am in today.

I was cradled in China. The sufferings of the Chinese people throughout history had had a tremendous impact on me. I knew I would never become a hero and saviour of the nation, but the sufferings of the Chinese people roused in me a yearning for a place of eternal perfection. I used to be a firm believer in communism, it used to be the goal of my life. Harsh reality, however, brought me nothing but doubt, bitterness and disappointment. So I became a pious believer in Buddhism. During those days of my wanderings in a spiritual wilderness, it was the Lord Jesus who by his wonderful power drew me up out of the mud, and it was He who granted me a new life.

During a church summer camp in 1992, I was touched by this hymn: Thousands of fellow countrymen are helpless; thousands of refugees are homeless; thousands of souls are aimless. The Lord is worried; where are you...? I was so moved that I could no longer ignore the Lord's call to me. I thank the Lord for the opportunity I have had in the past five years of receiving theological training in a seminary. During that time I used to do personal evangelism on the bus, in the factory, at school and in other situations, as well as taking part in Bible studies with Chinese scholars, and I really experienced the power of the Gospel. More importantly, over the past few years God has been using various experiences to prune and change me. So now I realise that being a missionary is not just a matter of preaching the Gospel in words, but also of witnessing for Jesus Christ in our whole life.

Toward the end of 1997, I had an opportunity of being exposed to thousands of my fellow countrymen scattered throughout the world. I felt a deep sense of their sorrow, sufferings and hopelessness. I knew very clearly that God wanted to send me to the mission field. Yet I didn't want to give up the comfortable life I had lived in North America for so many years, and so I tried to find some excuses for evading God's call. But through the Lord's compassion and the illuminating work of the Holy Spirit, I knew that I could no longer dare ignore the Lord's overflowing grace. Furthermore the Holy Spirit reminded me that it was not so much that the Lord really needed my talents but that He wanted to accomplish His own work in me through missionary work.

God is faithful. As I repented, putting aside my own will to seek Him, He immediately answered me with His own precious words. He said He would be with me and He would go with me. His promise removed my anxieties, trembling and fear. And God's will went even further than just that. He wanted to remove my hesitations as well. Although I was no longer afraid to be a missionary, my heart was still troubled about my belongings, my money and the question of marriage. But God wanted me to be completely obedient before him, to the extent that I needed to give up every single dream I had had for myself. After quite a struggle, I obeyed.

Before I stepped out on the missionary journey, I was worried about where I should go. I knew that many countries had a need for missionaries. Among these countries was Cambodia, although the very last place I wanted to go was Cambodia. When I was in China, I had spent a few years in the army at the time of the Sino-Vietnamese War. It was very clear to me that wars were both the most irrational and the most cruel acts of all. The fact that Cambodia had only just wrapped up its civil war chilled me, and the large number of land mines there frightened me all the more. But then I was asked if I would consider Cambodia! What should I do? As I hesitated, the Holy Spirit once again reminded me of God's promises to me as well as my promises to God. Yes, what I really needed was to start praying!

On Day One, I said in my prayer, "Oh, Lord, they have arranged for me to run a youth education center in Cambodia. But you know that children's work isn't really my specialty." But immediately a gentle voice in my heart said to me, "Remember what I want is not your specialty; I want to fulfil my work in your life." Why should I continue to hold on to my own specialty? Wouldn't my dear Heavenly Father make up for whatever I lacked?

On Day Two, I told myself again that I had no experience in teaching children. Would I have enough love to serve a large number of kids all with huge daily needs, both physical and spiritual? As I was questioning myself, I said to the Lord again, "Oh Lord, if you really want me to serve these kids, please grant me an overflowing love. I need you!" As soon as I had prayed this prayer, I suddenly felt a strong sense of empathy, which transformed itself into a stream of love deep in my heart. I remembered all those lonely children wandering the streets of Cambodia, their little hearts wounded by the war. I could no longer hold back my tears. I felt the urge to go there at once to hug them and comfort them with my own life... Oh Lord, I thank you because you have granted me your own rich heart of love!

On Day Three, I said to the Lord, "Today, please give me your own word as proof so that I can clearly tell that Cambodia is the country you are sending me to." On that day as I was riding the bus to work I opened my Bible. One verse jumped right out at me: "A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind." (Mark 14:51-52) I had never paid much attention to this verse in the past. But at that moment, why did it grab my heart as never before? "Oh Lord, what are you trying to tell me with this verse?" I shut the Bible and closed my eyes. Then gradually in my mind a picture emerged more and more clearly. It was a picture of a poor young Cambodian man. He had nothing to wear but he loved the Lord deeply and was willing to follow Him. Although he had been through very tough times and his outward protection and support had been stripped away, the Lord had preserved his life... The young man in the verse and the young man in Cambodia started to wonderfully converge; then suddenly it dawned on me that this verse was the very proof the Lord was giving me.

As I was about to finish writing this article, I heard on the TV news that post-election Cambodia was still in a state of political instability. But I no longer had any anxieties, doubts or fear. My mother and my family members in China did not understand why I wanted to go to Cambodia. All the efforts I had put in to get to Canada were still fresh in their minds. And now it was completely inexplicable to them that I had decided to give up all I had in North America to go to a place that was even poorer and more restless than China. But I thank the Lord for the good things that I have already seen the Holy Spirit doing in their lives.

"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm." (Psalm 37:23) The missionary journey is full of difficulties and obstacles, but I believe in the Lord's guidance and protection. At the same time, I have made up my mind as never before that I am willing to lay down my life for the sake of the Gospel. I will follow the Lord forever.

The author came from Guangzhou. She graduated from a Canadian seminary. She is now a missionary in Cambodia.

If you are interested in supporting Lu Jie-xiang in your prayer, please contact: Gospel Operation, International For Chinese Christians, PO Box 750606, Petaluma, CA 94975, USA.