Trouble Free

I prayed for my brother's leukaemia and he still died. I prayed for my mother's health but she still needed surgery. I prayed about my boyfriend and we still didn't work out...

By Wu Fan

Wu Fan in trouble

My name is Wu Fan, which means either trouble free or unusual. When my parents gave me this name, they must have hoped that I would live a trouble-free life and perhaps be a little unusual too. Unfortunately, trouble has never passed me by, although I do feel that in myself I was a bit unusual.

I certainly had a measure of arrogance. In China, I was one of a very small number of young female lawyers involved in foreign affairs. In early 1998, when, as part of the celebration of its 75^th anniversary, Time magazine was offering full scholarships to three future business leaders of the 21^st century in the Asian Pacific region to bring them to America for a six-month training course, I was one of the chosen three. I certainly regarded myself as one of the best!

After completing the course in Hawaii, I went on to New York for my internship. In August 1998 I was in New York starting to make wonderful plans for my return to China, when my parents suddenly called demanding that I cancel my return flight because we were Falun Gong members and things were rapidly deteriorating. I didn't actually take this very seriously. I wrote to them, "There are a lot of opportunities in life. What comes at us is either a good wave or a bad wave. Unless we grasp the opportunity, the good wave will be of no use to us. And provided we survive it, the bad wave will be quickly over!"

One month later, the real test began. I was harder up than I had ever been. My internship was almost over and with it went my income. I couldn't work and I couldn't go back to school. What was I to do? I suddenly felt that I had lost my bearings and that all my original career goals had receded into the distance. me. It was as if I was being tossed around in the middle of the ocean. I was very worried indeed.

I tried to contact the Falun Gong leaders or their organizations. But I couldn't find them, probably because all their activities had gone underground. Instead, I started meeting up with a lot of Christians. My landlord and my roommates were all Christians. They took me along to church and they shared their life experiences with me. They all seemed to me to have led very hard lives. My landlady, for example, had three children. Her husband had divorced her as soon as she had arrived in America. It was hard to imagine how she had managed to survive all these years. Mrs. Huang was another example. She had brought her son over from Japan hoping he could get a better education, but her husband often failed to send them money. It was very tough for her. But for some reason they all smiled every day. They even looked quite joyful.

They were under the same kind of pressure to survive as I was, so why should I be so gloomy? They told me that all their sufferings were transient but that they had an eternal hope that would last forever! I couldn't quite understand it, but I longed to have this kind of joy and their hopeful attitude. I was deeply touched by their words, "Do not be afraid! God will guide you. If you trust Him, He will bring you out of your troubles." Really? I decided to believe in the Lord. I couldn't quite figure out what I was supposed to do anyway. Let me see if God would guide me.

Nothing left

In this spirit I returned to Hawaii. I began attending services in a Chinese church. And soon after, a year ago last Christmas, I was baptized. I thought that things should start improving now that I was a child of God. A lot of Christians also said, "Pray and God will answer. The prayers of new believers are especially effective." But to my surprise, the Lord did not respond to any of my prayers. I prayed for my brother's leukaemia and he still died. I prayed for my mother's health, but she still needed surgery. I prayed about my job and for my advanced training and there was no answer. I prayed for my boyfriend and we still didn't work out... I had hoped for a much better life after accepting the Lord, but to my great surprise I was left with nothing !

Opening the Bible, I sat down prepared to argue with God, using His own words. God has stripped everything from me: my parents, job, study opportunities, romance. Is this God's guidance? Well, I have plenty of time now. Why don't I spend it picking bits out of the Bible and asking God some hard questions?

Time continued to pass quickly and my daily life remained the same. My spiritual life, however, underwent a great transformation! My arrogance was gone. I had to admit that we human beings are limited and even hopeless as we try to deal with so many issues. We really do need the Lord.

As I completely humbled myself, I began to realize how meaningful this time I was spending with God had been, as He had drawn me closer to Himself. When I had nothing else to rely on, He Himself had become my greatest comfort.

As I completely humbled myself, I began to realize that the Lord loved me. He made me understand that hardship was inevitable, but that I should not simply passively endure hardship; rather, I should draw strength from Him.

As I completely humbled myself, I began to realize the Lord's plan for me. He trained and helped me in different ways. Through the care of brothers and sisters He showed me His unfailing love.

As I completely humbled myself, I thanked the Lord for the first time because He had made me temporarily penniless!

Although I don't understand it

The Bible says: "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." (Mt. 6:33) This is very true.

I had thought I had nothing left, but the Lord met my daily needs in His own wonderful ways. I was never unnable to pay my rent, nor did I ever starve. The language school I went to had never offered a Chinese class before. But as soon as I started there, they began enrolling so many Chinese students that they had to start offering courses in Chinese. And I became their Chinese teacher.

After I had completed a month of casual work in a little law firm, they offered to help me apply for a work permit. I knew a work permit application was costly and that the possibility of obtaining a work permit was dim. Besides, this was a very small and not very profitable law firm. But they insisted.

My student visa was to expire on April 15, and I was finding it difficult making my next tuition payment. I was very worried. But to my great surprise the Immigration Naturalization Services approved my work permit application on April 14. Now was this pure coincidence ? or merely a piece of good luck? Neither! This was the Lord's answer to my prayer, and part of His guidance and careful planning. The Lord granted me the best in His way and according to His own timetable. The Lord was responding to my prayers in an unexpected way. Although sometimes I can't quite understand it, I know that what the Lord has prepared for those who love him is something that "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived. (I Cor. 2:9)

The Lord has never promised that our journey of faith will be filled with flowers and blue skies. But He does undertake to ensure that we receive a life that is abundant. Counting on the Lord's guidance and grace, I now feel I am truly Wu Fan (trouble free) because I no longer worry about the future. I know that my future is still very much an unknown, but in Jesus Christ I shall never be in want!

The author lives in Hawaii.