So who ought to Repent?

80 or 90 percent of the things that happened to me during my long life did not satisfy me. Is there anything in our lives that merits this kind of joy?

By Xin Cheng

My daughter becoming a nun?

In December of 1998 I came to America to attend my daughter's commencement. Besides paying a visit to my daughter, I had the added task of trying to persuade her to keep away from Christianity. My daughter had accepted Christ in April of 1997. Ever since then, all her letters had been nothing but praises to the Lord. And she bombarded us with all kinds of hymns and testimonies too. At the time we didn't bother reading any of these, but instead we worried. We couldn't quite pinpoint what it was that worried us. From her letters we realized that she had become much more mature and understanding than before. She was dealing successfully with her difficulties at the school and in everyday life. She was happy, optimistic and at peace. We should have been pleased at her progress. But we were baffled by her belief in Christianity. Couldn't we see from foreign movies that all churches or monasteries looked gloomy? and that all those bishops, fathers or nuns looked so pale, rigid and expressionless? Wasn't the church responsible for many wicked acts during the Middle Ages? Hadn't the church persecuted Galileo and Copernicus? Didn't Marx say that religion was a poisonous spiritual opium? How dreadful, then, that our daughter was taking "spiritual opium" overseas! Well, maybe this was a consequence of her having to fight a lonely battle in a foreign country. Opium could be an effective painkiller, just so long as she didn't become addicted to it. It looked as if I ought to go to America myself to keep her from falling further.

At the same time, however, I vaguely remembered that religions had actually played a positive role in the course of human history and they did contain some elements of reason. Otherwise why would so many people have believed in them? All religions taught goodness, self-control, generosity and endurance. And for this reason, a religious person was usually a good person. A godless person is usually rather pathetic because he only believes in himself and tends to do whatever he fancies, and can even become an evildoer. So it was OK to be religious so long as one did not become superstitious or completely preoccupied by it. Wasn't it alarming to see so many religious wars and conflicts in today's world?

So what did I believe in, then? I believed in atheism, materialism and evolutionism, and I believed in them because these were all scientific beliefs. It is science which has transformed mankind and brought us out of stupidity into a state of civilization. Wasn't it true that the prosperity of the United States depended heavily on their strong scientific research? Wasn't it true that China was now zealously pursuing science? Wasn't the government issuing a call for saving the country through science? My daughter had gone to the United States with the intention of studying science. So what had made her actually go backward and believe in Christ? Oh, no! oh, no! I just had to talk with her. What would I do if she went on to become a nun? Whatever would I do?

To America, with advice to give

So I wrote to my daughter telling her how much I wanted to see her. Then along came her graduation. So I obtained a U.S. tourist visa and came to attend her commencement.

When I arrived, I was just so very happy to see my daughter. I observed her behavior closely but I didn't see anything particularly abnormal which could be due to her religious orientation. On the contrary, she appeared to have improved and was much better tempered. She seemed much more gentle, and happy all the time. At that time she was working on her graduation thesis while at the same time taking a couple of courses. She never complained and she never appeared anxious or complaining. I really gave thanks to Christ. Perhaps it was this God who had given my daughter such peace of spirit. Although she was extremely busy, she always took me to church every week. And I was surprised at how everyone at the church was so cheerful and welcoming. 80 to 90 percent of the things that happened to me during my long life had not satisfied me. So was there anything in our lives that could merit this kind of joy? I couldn't understand it at all. Then everybody called everybody else "brother" or "sister". The young men called their elders "brother". Where were the old traditions ? If I were to believe in the Lord, would my daughter call me "brother", too? And I was also confused when everyone at church kept saying, "Thank the Lord". Why should they thank the Lord for their own accomplishments? But despite all my questions, church remained very attractive to me because all the people there were such good people.

In order to get to know the church better so that I could dissuade my daughter from Christianity, I read a few spiritual books and listened to some tapes. In the place where I was living there were very few Chinese people and my daughter was extremely busy leading up to her graduation. So I had plenty of time to read. Every day I would read attentively. Then I would take a walk and think about it all, then come back to read and meditate some more. To my surprise, those little materialistic ideas of mine became so fragile that they couldn't stand up to scrutiny. But these had been my faithful beliefs for so many years! Why was materialism so weak and powerless? I began to gain new understanding in the following three areas:

Can man conquer the heavens?

The first question is: Is man omnipotent? Can man become the master of the universe?

I had always thought that the essence and centre of all existence was man. As long as there was man, any miracle was possible. Man's part in creation was to shuffle mountains around, to fill in seas, and to transform the sky and the earth. See how they have launched satellites into space, landed on the moon, marched out toward outer space, identified human genes with over 3 billion DNAs, and so on. Why shouldn't we believe that the day was coming when mankind would conquer the entire universe?

But, when you think about it, these are all false notions. What is the universe? How large is it ? What mysteries does it contain ? Can mankind really know everything about the universe and conquer it?

According to modern science, the solar system consists of the sun and its nine planets, the earth included, orbiting the sun. But then our solar system is part of the Milky Way in which there are about 100 billion stars like our sun. And the vast Milky Way containing the 100 billion stars is only a small part of the universe. Then there is mankind, so tiny in comparison to the earth. Although men may seem able to "transform" and "conquer" the earth, they are actually damaging the earth's natural habitat and we all suffer the devastating consequences.

That's true, isn't it? We destroy forests and lakes in order to open up new farmlands. Our efforts cause flooding and so we have to destroy the farmland in order to restore the forests and lakes. Our excessive use of refrigerators and air conditioning generates large quantities of freon, which severely damages the earth's atmosphere and ozone layer. We burn coal and petroleum and cut down trees, resulting in global warming and the loss of balance in nature.

Human beings get frustrated in their attempts to deal with air pollution, water pollution and food pollution. How, then, can we talk about conquering the earth and conquering the universe?

Human beings are not as powerful as they imagine themselves to be. Instead, they are actually insignificant, weak and limited. We are not able to resist natural disasters like volcanoes, earthquakes, tidal waves or tornadoes. Nor are we able to change the laws of nature. As individuals, we are even more weak and helpless. None of us is exempt from living, ageing, sickness and death. And yet we are still so very proud of ourselves. Why? We are proud because we often compare our strengths with others' weaknesses. We are proud of ourselves even if we are only a little bit better than others. Oh we men, how pathetic we are!

Coincidence does not explain it!

The second question is: "Does God really exist?"

Materialism tells us that the world consists of actions and reactions between different kinds of matter. And beyond these there is nothing. In daily life, however, we subconsciously believe in the existence of God. We often say, "Man's plan is no plan beside God's plan." We believe that "God is watching over us". When we come up against things we cannot explain, we often sigh, "Oh God, isn't it amazing!" Nevertheless, because materialism has been so deeply planted in our minds, we often explain the inexplicable as "coincidence" or "by chance". And we push the supernatural out of our minds.

As a result, we often feel empty and meaningless. We try to explain our own selves as products of coincidence. Our fate is merely a collection of coincidental events. Even our life has evolved from simple organisms, by chance. The earth exists in the universe by chance, and it is just by chance that it contains all the necessary conditions for life. At the end, the sun will be no more and the earth will explode. At that time, human beings will also disappear, by chance. Therefore, the entire human race simply appears in the vastness of time and space by chance for a very short period of time. If this is true, then what is the significance of human existence?

I believe that the theory of coincidence is a reflection of human arrogance. From the materialistic point of view, we believe that man is the highest stage of organic development; that man alone has wisdom and man alone has power and creativity. In respect of the things we invent, such as computers and satellites, we proudly believe that these are the highest reflections of human wisdom and scientific creation. If anybody says that these things are merely a coincidental collection of atoms and other materials, we assume he must be mad. But faced with nature, this entity of orderly motion, profound wisdom and vast potential for creativity, we firmly reject any claim that it was created by the Almighty.

Of course, we even more firmly deny the fact that we, who possess the power of creation, are ourselves creatures. The book Science and Belief gives facts about the probability of the random synthesis of protein. Protein consists of over twenty different kinds of amino acid. The simplest protein requires at least four hundred amino acids in a particular order. If we assume the random synthesis of protein, then the probability of the simplest protein being synthesized is 1 out of (10 x 297). But according to Borel's Law, any probability less than 1 over (10 x 50) must be considered impossible.

Other examples are how the distance between the earth and the sun, the tilted angle of the earth axis and the earth's traveling speed around the sun all provide for the exact needs of human survival. With such amazing facts before us, how can we still deny that all these have their source in the wisdom of a great designer?

But why is it that we cannot sense the existence of God? The answer is that our arrogance deceives our hearts. God is spirit and we must sense His existence in spirit and in truth. Realising this, I began to read the Bible. I was deeply touched by this wonderful teaching. My soul opened up and I began to gain a new understanding of the origins of the universe, of the good and evil in human nature and of the significance of life.

What sins do I have?

The third question is: Are all men sinful?

When I first read the Bible, I could not accept its teachings that all have sinned and all need to repent.

Chinese intellectuals pursue integrity, family values, along with loyalty to their country, individual morality and self-cultivation. They believe that they are rich in knowledge and with lofty moral standards. And they often have difficulty accepting the Biblical teaching that all have sinned. When my daughter first talked of this, I was furious with her, "If you really think your father has committed sins, why don't you make them public? That way maybe you can end up getting me put in jail. I refuse to read this Bible. Let's see who can tell what sins I have committed!" At that time, I stubbornly believed that sins were the same as crimes deserving punishment. But I had always kept the law. I was honest, hardworking and conscientious. Everybody in my family, my school and my work place, including my relatives, teachers, classmates, colleagues and leaders, all knew that I was an upright man. Why did my daughter, since becoming a Christian, think that I was a sinner?

After reading quite a few articles and testimonies, I realized that there was a difference between "sins" in the Bible and "crimes". "Sins" in the Bible meant that man falls short of God's holy standards. Men really are sinful. Men become enslaved in their own greed and desires; they indulge their free will; they come up with all sorts of evil ideas and they actually go on to commit all sorts of sins. It is true that few break the law. But if you measure men by the standards of holiness, then indeed we are all sinners.

Isn't that so? Take me, for example. I was very arrogant. When I was in school I was arrogant. I pretended I was modest but deep in my heart I was arrogant. At work, I worked really hard. I had many achievements to boast of and had won several awards in scientific research. And these made me all the more arrogant. I used to help the weak at school and at work, but I did it to show off and to win the hearts of other people. I didn't really do it in the way the Bible teaches: Love your neighbor. Deep in my heart I looked down upon others. That was a sin, wasn't it?

Furthermore, I saw more of other people's shortcomings than of my own. I often compared my strengths with others' weaknesses. I often felt I didn't get enough recognition. I gave more than I took. When I saw how people boast, flatter, take risks and act corruptly in order to get rich, I felt worthless and that my life was meaningless. My pursuit of vanity had caused me all kinds of trouble, resulting in my losing my temper and hurting others, including my loved ones. That was a sin, wasn't it?

There was so much more. So before the Lord, I really did want to sincerely repent because I was a sinner.

Throughout my life, the biggest sin I committed, without realizing it, was that I didn't believe in God. We are all children of the Lord. Isn't it the biggest sin of all for a child not to recognize its parents? Besides, rejecting the Lord is the source of all other sins.

Oh mankind, how pathetic and insignificant you are! And how arrogant! Every day you want to conquer the universe and every day you want to be the master of the universe. And see how ambitious you are !. Everybody believes he or she is better than everybody else and that he or she deserves to get more than anybody else. And then nobody is truly satisfied. As a result, men fight each other. And the wars go on and on. Thousands of years of Chinese history have witnessed continual wars, the rise and fall of dynasties, while the rivers flow with blood. Oh, how tragic it all is! All of these are caused by our rejection of the true Word, our Lord. Right?

Before I accepted the Lord I struggled, and it was painful. Yet since believing in the Lord, I have experienced an unprecedented peace and joy. Today my daughter has completed her studies. She has an ideal job and a satisfactory marriage. For all of this I praise the Lord.

The author is a retired engineer. He is from Wuhan, China.