You're My Shooting Star

By You Jing

Editor: In our last issue, we published "May We Be Together Forever"... The author,You Jing, described how she had not really understood what true love was and what marriage really meant until her husband Jiang Feng was diagnosed with cancer. Now that her husband has passed away, she writes this article to share her further understanding.

Jiang Feng dashed through my life like a shooting star. Short as the experience was, it was a rich demonstration to me of the reality of God's love. Love is not about romance; it is about responsibility. Love is not about feeling; it is about choice. Love is not about emptiness and vagueness; it is about reality. Love is sometimes difficult, but it justifies the existence of life.

Jiang Feng returned to his Heavenly home on the 8th day after his 32nd birthday. It was also a couple of days short of our two and a half years of marriage. His life was short and yet he was very peaceful because he knew he was leaving his love of this world and that he was going to the source of true love. We had only known each other for one month when we got married, and of that month we had only lived in the same city for one week. Jiang Feng left for America to study for his degree one week after our marriage. And by the time I joined him one and a half years later, he was already at an advanced stage of cancer.

Our love had been pursued over the phone, through the Internet and letters, but when we finally came together, I found love suddenly becoming unusually difficult. sudden. Cancer patients live under tremendous psychological pressures and we, the family members have to carry an even harder load. This was especially true to me as a stranger in a foreign country and having to keep the bad news from our families in China. I didn't tell his parents until after he died. I was living in a state of extreme misery and self-pity. Love as romance had quickly vanished in the face of reality, and yet it was at this time that true love quietly approached us.

Shortly after coming to America, Jiang wrote to me and told me of two incidents that had touched him deeply. One was being greeted by total strangers and the other was the sight of a handicapped black girl, her wheelchair at her side, kneeling on the floor in the gym practicing aerobics with a group of pretty girls. Such human dignity greatly startled him.

And it was through his smiles and that same kind of human dignity that I was able to get to know the ailing Jiang, to accept him once again and to love him.

"You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." (James 4:14) When we are young and strong, however, we always believe that we are in control of our own destiny, while in fact we never really know what tomorrow will be like. It is not until death approaches that we begin to ask what life truly means. For those whose life is is to be punctuated with a full stop, death is their final destination. Is it any different for those whose lives are punctuated with exclamation marks?

"Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless." (Eccl. 1:2) Does the same destination await Jiang after all?

Fortunately, there is a difference. "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him." (Rom. 6:8) Through his illness, Jiang had come to know the Lord and therefore he was able to enter eternity. Also he was convinced that "neither death nor life, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom. 8:38-39) He received such love from the Lord and he shared this love with his friends and with me.

When the nature of his illness was made known to him, he never complained and he never gave way to despair. And he held firmly to his faith in the Lord till the last moment. The Lord also gave him special strength in his fight against cancer. Between September of 2000 when the cancer first attacked him and January of 2002 when he died, Jiang went through more than thirty chemotherapy treatments with six different prescriptions. Cancer cells were discovered in his lung and ribs, moving on into his liver. And yet he never stopped going to Sunday services and he never stopped his studies.

Special thanks to the Lord who gave him a humble heart, which not only enabled him to love but also to be loved. When he talked about the reason for his illness, he said, "The cause of my illness is that the Lord knows I can take it." Supported by the Lord, he endured unimaginable pain without any complaints. And he showed gratitude to those who cared for him.

In his final days, he often said, "Thank the Lord! Hallelujah!" And to the brothers and sisters who visited him he said, "I love you all!" He was brave. Although he left this world, he transcended death. True death is not the end of the body. True death is the hopelessness and fear of the soul. At the moment he left the world, he was full of peace. This was because he was leaving behind that body which had endured so much suffering and pain and he was headed toward the source of love and the eternity of life.

I believe that the moment he met with the Lord, his Heavenly Father, His pure love would overcome all his anxieties and concern for those he loved. He completely trusted the Lord Jesus to care for his beloved. And only Jesus is able.

The Lord is indeed taking care of me. I came to America shortly after I finished my dissertation in China. I had no work experience. And I had to look for a job in the area of southern Illinois in order to be close to Jiang. It was very hard to find a job there at that time. But it turned out that a professor in the chemistry department of this university was in need of a post-doctoral assistant.

After securing the job, I needed to apply for a work visa before I could start work. I ran into some difficulties with my visa application. I did not understand it back then, but now I know that the Lord's arrangement is always the best. I submitted my visa application in June and it did not get approved till December. That meant I had to start work in January. But the Lord also took Jiang away in January. So I had had sufficient time and energy to take care of him, and I did not have to worry about my daily needs after his departure. Such was the Lord's wonderful plan!

Furthermore, the Lord's grace and love were poured out on us through brothers and sisters at the church. They pledged for Jiang's medical expenses. And in the final stages, they prayed for him and cared for him twenty-four hours a day. After he departed, they also helped out in his funeral arrangements. Had it not been for their love, I could not have borne this blow. But through these brothers and sisters the Lord was my companion on my walk through the shadow of valley of death.

Jiang's departure made me realize the frailty of human life. Now I understand that we are but visitors in this world, and we will all leave here one day. I also understand that our coming into this world is not coincidental. The Lord has a wonderful plan for every one of us. The value of life does not depend on its length. Jiang completed his tasks in this world and returned to his Heavenly home. But he left behind him the love that he had received from the Lord. And this love will bring warmth to my entire life in the days ahead.

The author is a post-doctoral fellow in the Chemistry Department of University of South Illinois.