"There is a God"

By Yeh Zi

I.

Many years had already passed but Old Sheen could still smell it, the stench of fresh grass mixed with scorched earth. It sat heavy on his chest. Every time he breathed, his whole body shuddered with the pain. 

That spring, in the tropical jungle near the Yun-Nan border, there had been a terrible fire at the farm. No one knew how it had started. In the depth of the night, with no warning, the deadly flames had broken out. In a few brief moments, with deadly accuracy and cruelty, they had taken the lives of a whole group of young people.

The blood red color had lit up the whole sky.

The students used to sleep on wooden planks on top of the hay on the floor. They would lie crowded tightly side by side. They were all young, and after a long day's work, they would have quickly fallen into a deep sleep.

When the fire first started, some-one woke up and screamed. Stumbling over one another, they had all managed to get out of the building.

In the confusion of darkness and smoke, some of them had gone quite a distance before stopping. The fire had turned into an inferno. Then, after they had begun to calm down, some one suddenly realized that none of the girls had escaped.

Why ? How could it be possible? It was such an immense fire, how could they have been unaware of it? Perhaps they had run in another direction? They started searching.

Finally, in the ashes, they found nineteen dead bodies.
Every one was shocked. However could such a thing have happened ?
The answer was the fastening on the door.
Three strands of wire had been twisted together to make a wire cable which had then been anchored firmly in the middle from four different directions, thus securing the door tightly.
Every night the girls had used this home-made cable to lock themselves inside, tightening it with all their strength and with the help of a large clamp. The wires were so tightly twisted together that it always took a lot of time and effort to undo the fastening the next day.

It was this 'security lock' that had prevented them getting out and saving their lives. With the fire raging around them, how could they have managed to open this contraption that even in normal circumstances took them such a long time to undo? The hotter the fire got, the more twisted the wires became. With all their might the panicking girls struggled to unfasten it, but no matter how they tried they were still unable to open the door. All nineteen girls burned to death.

The youngest was fifteen years old and the eldest eighteen. They were like beautiful flower petals
roasted alive. Not a thing was left.

They were buried together in a small cemetery, alone in the jungle. 

Old Sheen had stood there with the other parents, for his own daughter had been one of them - she had been seventeen. All of their daughters were there in the ashes.

As their tears dried, in their hearts, they all asked the same question: Why had that door fastening robbed them of their lives? Why had they needed a fastening at all? And why such an elaborate one ? There were no dangerous wild animals in the jungle. Even small animals would not venture so close to human habitation. The only reason for a lock like this would be to prevent bad people getting in!
No one knew.
Had anyone heard their cries for help? Had anyone been aware of their agonies? Was there anyone who cared for their souls? Was there any one who could fight for justice for them?

Old Sheen had stood before the grave. His tears were dry but his heart had turned to ashes.

In the air he could still smell that odour of fresh grass mixed with scorched earth.
Old Sheen thought that he would never be able to forget it.

II.

It was getting dark. It was still drizzling with rain.

Old Sheen told his wife not to go to the market since the road was in bad order. But his wife said that she needed to get to the market just before it closed so as to get things cheaper. So off she had gone. She was carrying an old cloth bag with a long string slung over her shoulder so that she could have one hand free to hold her umbrella. As she walked out the door, she asked Old Sheen to keep an eye on the water boiling on the stove.

When the water was done, Old Sheen filled up the vacuum flask and boiled another pot of water. His wife had still not arrived home so he boiled up another pot. He was thinking that although there were no more flasks, his wife would be able to use the hot water to warm up her feet. But then a neighbor came hurrying over and told him to go down to the hospital. He was really puzzled.

When he got to the emergency room, his wife was already unable to speak. She was covered with blood. The lower half of her body, from below her waist, had been completely crushed. He held her hand and cried out her name. She moved her lips as if trying to say something but gradually her eyes glazed over - she had died.

The policeman said that it had been an accident. It was bad luck, but she should have been more careful.
Old Sheen asked where the driver who caused the accident had gone.
The policeman said that he had run off. They could not find him. Anyway the victim was dead. There was no use trying to find the driver now. Old Sheen was shocked.

He could not remember how long he had been walking. Someone touched him. Two peasant women spoke to him in low anxious voices: "Brother, there was no good reason for your wife to die."
When the accident happened, they had been busy clearing up their vegetable stand. A fancy jeep driven by a drunkard was lurching towards them. They managed to escape being hit but were splattered with mud from the jeep as it passed. Old Sheen's wife had been walking along just in front of these two women and heard their screams. She had tried to get out of the way. But she was holding an umbrella with one hand and a big bundle of vegetables in the other. She was also carrying a bag filled with cheap vegetables over her shoulder. Although she escaped being hit directly by the jeep, her bag was snared by the car. As the string got entangled in the wheel she had fallen with it.

The car did not slow down. It kept on moving, dragging her forward. The farmer women said that they had screamed out to the car to stop. The jeep did come to a stop. The driver got out and looked to see what was being dragged in his car wheel. He did not touch her but got back into the jeep, then backed up, causing the wheel to ride right over Sheen's wife's body. Then it drove forward, running over her body again. The string caught up in the wheel snapped, and the car drove off into the distance.

The two peasant women were shocked at what they had witnessed.
"Brother, your wife died for no good reason at all. The car's number plate was black characters on a red background." The peasant women spoke in low voices, then walked quickly away.
Everyone knew that this kind of number plate belonged to the town's highest official.

The policeman told Old Sheen not to listen to the rumor. It was simply a car accident. The car and the driver were missing and there was no way of finding them.

One dark night, some one came to warn Old Sheen not to dig too deeply into the facts of the case or he would suffer for it.

Old Sheen felt scared and hopeless, as if caught in a black hole.

III.

The factory Old Sheen worked for was changed into a 'production industry'. Several times the factory manager had asked Old Sheen, who was the accountant, to falsify the records. Old Sheen was shocked, because changing the account records would cause the assets of the factory to disappear, leaving hardly anything behind. This had previously been a nationally owned industry where hundreds of workers had toiled over many years.

After several sleepless nights, Old Sheen had handed in his resignation and this was approved immediately. The factory manager had been happy to get rid of him.

The factory was changed into a private industry under private ownership. Old Sheen had worked in this factory almost all his life. He was thoroughly familiar with the accounts and records and was well aware that when the factory was transferred the real value of the assets was less than one-tenth of the original value. The person who took over the factory was the original manager's brother-in-law.

Within less than a year the factory was transferred again, to a Taiwanese businessman. The original manager and his brother-in-law had made a lot of money and they went overseas as investment migrants. People heard that they had gone to Australia and bought a huge house like a castle. They even had to hire guards to protect the property.

When the new owner arrived, his first action was to lay off all the employees and cancel all the promised insurance pensions since he felt that these were the original owner's responsibility. Hundreds of people lost their jobs. Several families had had both husband and wife as well as sons and daughters over two generations working for this factory. Overnight, they lost everything. Their basic source of income, children's education funds, and medical funds for the elderly or the sick were all gone.

IV

Old Sheen's younger son went to study in America. When he left, Old Sheen told him never to come back. "Remember," he solemnly urged him, "don't you ever come back here!"

V

Little Sheen and his wife invited Old Sheen to come and visit them in America. Living in America rendered him virtually deaf, dumb and crippled. He was bored to death. What worried him even more was that his son had got caught up in some "thing" that had nothing to do with his career. Little Sheen had got work in a national research laboratory after the completion of his doctoral degree. His job was quite secure. He and his wife had a good loving relationship. Every thing seemed satisfactory to Old Sheen. But he could not get used to his son being bewitched by this western religion - Christianity.

Every Sunday, Old Sheen was dragged along to church. The hour sitting in church seemed to pass very slowly. Little Sheen casually asked his father what he thought of the pastor's sermon. Old Sheen answered scornfully, "It's just a lot of empty words advising people to do good deeds. You even pay money to listen to him. Why don't you just give the money to me and let me preach to you?"

Little Sheen had a home Bible study group meeting at his house. The little room would be filled with people. Old Sheen was angry and shut himself up in his room. When they took a break, he would come out and walk around looking cross. Sometimes, he would grab a young person and give him a lecture. "Your parents are spending a lot of money to send you abroad to study. Why do you waste your time studying the Bible? You're utterly useless."

After work Little Sheen would go off to night classes at a seminary and this made Old Sheen really unhappy. Gently Little Sheen told his father that he hoped he would understand that after he graduated from the seminary, he was planning to return to China to preach the Gospel. Old Sheen stared at his son as if he did not recognize him. Little Sheen went on, "Dad, I've been thinking about this for a long time. I feel that God has called me." Before he had even finished his sentence, Old Sheen slapped his son in the face. 

After that day, Old Sheen refused to talk to his son and would not even interact with his daughter-in-law. The only person he talked to was his little grandson - who could not even talk ! 

Little Sheen's whole family were making plans to go to a Chinese Gospel Meeting in Chicago. Little Sheen tried to persuade Old Sheen to go along but Old Sheen insisted that he didn't want to go. He would stay at home with his little grandson. But his daughter-in-law told him frankly, "You can't stay home by yourself - you can't even cook for yourself !"

So Old Sheen agreed to go to Chicago. He was not very happy, until he saw the hundreds of other Chinese people there. This was the first time he had been able to walk about on his own without the company of his son. He inspected everything. He went to see "The Cross" video. He heard an elderly brother talk about how he had spent his whole life preaching the gospel in a country district. He especially liked the song writer, "Little Min". She looked like the girl next-door. How she was she able to write so many lovely songs?

He saw crowds of young people full of enthusiasm, like his son. He thought that they were a group of nice kids, but they were still young and had not experienced much hardship in their lives. Their young hearts would be easily touched by a religion based on truth and righteousness. But his heart had received so many wounds, and the bitter scars were still there.

Little Grandson, nestled in Old Sheen's arms, was trying to say something. He was pointing at something. "What is it, sonny boy? Do you want to go and listen to the songs? I'll take you."
Sitting on the floor with his grandson on his lap Old Sheen heard this song--
There is a God who is the Lord of all creation;
with loving arms He comforts every weary soul.
There is a God who sees our sins and failures,
Yet He fills our lives with mercy and with love.
There is a God, who sits upon the throne;
He gave His life to save us from our sins.
There is a God; He is our Lord
The only God; He is Jehovah
The King of all praise, of mercy and of grace,
Who was and is and is to come

Old Sheen's back was bent; he looked small and frail. As he listened intently to the song, he scarcely moved. But his lips were moving along with the song,; it was if he was trying to say something. There was so much to tell. Suddenly, slowly and crookedly, tears began to flow down his wrinkled cheeks.

Deep in his heart, something had touched him. It was as if a cold heavy door was slowly opening. He seemed once again to be smelling that odor of fresh grass mixed with scorched earth. He seemed to be back to that rainy day when his wife had died so terribly. The deep pain, the helplessness and sense of injustice were crying out from deep down in his chest. All his life, he had been a small potato, suffering and struggling in the darkness. Helpless, and without hope.

But now this seventy year old man was crying like a baby. He opened his mouth and cried quietly. He had never remembered weeping like this before. There seemed to be so much he wanted to say, but then it seemed as if it had all been spoken and heard already.

VI

Old Sheen was about to board the plane. He looked at his son, wanting to say something, but he stopped. Finally the words came, slowly, "Oh, about that matter we discussed last time. If you have thought it through seriously, just do what you want. This religion you believe in. I've not completely understood it. But I think that many people live very difficult lives. They need someone to go and tell them about the good news. Including your older sister, your mother, your uncle, your aunt, your Uncle Liu, and your little brother and all the rest of them. None of them know your God. If they did, their lives would not be so hard."

Old Sheen did not know what else to say. He waved his hand and turned back to join the crowd at the boarding gate. He was thinking that when he got home he would go and see his daughter, his wife, his brother, his neighbor and his old workmates. Perhaps, he could tell them himself...

The author is from China. She now lives in Maryland.