God Who Watches Overnight

I have forgotten her name and what she looked like, but I will never forget how she stayed up all night and tucked me in.

By Shia Shung

An unexpected crisis

For a long time, my life had gone along pretty well.. I had loving parents and an older sister. I was a good kid - I had good grades and did what I was told. My elementary-school teacher liked to say, "If you were all like Shia Shung, I wouldn't mind even if you walked all over the classroom ceiling and left marks there.")

I was something of a dreamer, often building castles in the air about how rich I might soon become and how pleased I would be with myself. Even in my last year in high school, I was confident. This is the year that most people hated, since our only goal was to pass the college entrance exams, but I was able to fulfill my dream of going on to Beijing for further education.

But college life was not what I expected. In fact, after the initial honeymoon period, I found myself quite confused. The classes were easy, but with no teachers or parents there to supervise our free time, I often had feelings of anxiety and lost my sense if direction.

My goal for the past 18 years had been to get into a good college. Now that I'd attained this, what was my next goal? I had no set plans and suddenly my life seemed to lack focus and structure. Afraid to go on like this and not knowing what to do, I sought out some former classmates in other schools for their advice.

It was very embarrassing

Two good friends of mine were studying at the same school. On National Day, when we had several days vacation, they invited me to go camping in a park in Tainjin with their English conversation group. This activity was being run by their American teachers. I agreed to go, since I enjoyed being with these good friends and I had never been camping before. It would also be nice to have some opportunities to practice my English and to visit a place I had never been to before.

When we got to the park, everything had already been set up .I wasn't needed to help with the barbecue but instead was only asked to keep an eye on the chicken wings. Just as I was about to start eating, someone said, "Let's pray." Then, everyone closed their eyes and began to murmur something. I was quite shocked,, since this was my first contact with Christians and I had never seen a prayer meeting before. My friends looked so sincere, and I felt strange about the way they had changed. I wondered when they had started to believe in God. All my life I had thought that religion existed simply to fool the uneducated. But my friends were college students - how could they believe in something like this? And saying a prayer before a meal gave me an uncomfortable feeling.

I felt awkward, since if I closed my eyes, I wouldn't know what to say; and if I didn't close my eyes, it would be impolite to simply stare at these devout people. When they finally said "Amen." I was quite relieved, but found that this same ritual was repeated over the course of the next few days. It made me feel embarassed, but I was glad to find that apart from these prayers before meals, everything else seemed quite normal.

What did she look like ?

Everyone else had come prepared with blankets, sleeping bags and tents, but I had not brought anything, and as I was not the only one who had come unprepared, there was not enough sleeping gear to go round. Some of the campers offered to stay up and act as night watchmen.

When I woke up in the middle of the night, I saw a girl sitting beside me. She was reading a small black book which apparently was a Bible. After reading for a while, she suddenly felt cold and pulled her coat tightly around her. Then noticing my bare feet sticking out, she pulled the covers down over my feet. I have forgotten her name and what she looked like, but I will never forget the way she stayed up all that night and tucked me in. Why was she so kind to a stranger? How did she manage to sit up all through a long cold night? I did not understand. I fell asleep again and woke up the next morning to see her cheerfully making the coffee.

All of us squeezed into a van for the trip back to Beijing. I've forgotten how it started, but at one stage one of the American teachers took my hand and started to speak to me about Jesus. I was simply practicing my English comprehension, which was quite limited, so I could not understand it all. All I got was that Jesus was their source of courage and strength. Jesus, like a gently flowing spring, was the reason behind the love they had shown us over the past few days.

"Jesus died for you", she told me. I don't know why I was so touched by this simple statement, but I burst into tears. Finally she asked me, "Would you like to receive Jesus as your personal Saviour I'll pray for you if you like." Confused and afraid, I didn't reply. I was puzzled about this Man who had allegedly died for me and was nailed to the cross two thousand years ago.

When we parted, they gave me some pamphlets including a little red book, "The Four Spiritual Laws" and "Grace and Love for the World ". They also invited me to join their English conversation group.

Applying to join the Communist Party

After I returned to the dorm, I did not dare tell anyone about what had happened . I hid the booklets and would only read them before going to bed, with the curtains tightly drawn. As an intellectual, I would be embarrassed to believe in these superstitious ideas about God and the resurrection.

But my two good friends had become believers. How come? At any rate I had not made any commitment, so I decided to wait and see. They could not force me into anything and as my friends they would respect my decisions. However, I was intrigued by this supernatural power that made them look so happy, optimistic and full of confidence in the face of so many uncertainties.

One month after I came back from Tianjin, I was chatting with one of these two friends and I found that she was applying to become a member of the Communist Party I was as shocked by this announcement as I had been when I saw her pray. Back then, to apply for Party membership, you needed to affirm that you were an atheist. I could overlook her stupidity but I could not tolerate her hypocrisy.

I did not want to make any comment to upset my friend, but I was really disappointed. I felt that I'd been cheated. Although I wasn't clear about what I believed and was still seeking, yet I strongly believed that faith should be pure and unique. So I broke off all contact with them and did not bother going along to their conversation group any more.

The words spoken in church

Some time later I left Beijing and moved to Shanghai to get a job. During this time I would often wake up in the middle of the night, but there was never anyone there to stay up all night for me. I had a stable job, and my emotional world was on an even keel too. Was this the complete meaning of life, I asked? Was this the purpose of my existence on Earth. I wanted to answer "yes" to these questions but realised I could not confidently do so..

Was it this environment that was making me feel tired of life? I wanted a change. So I began to make plans to go overseas for study. This had been one of my dreams when I was still in college. I desperately wanted to get out of the old environment. The whole process went quite smoothly from application to receiving my visa. Full of anticipation, in the fall of 2002 I arrived in San Diego, California. On the 18th of October I went along to the Abundant Life Fellowship at San Diego Chinese Gospel Church. This time, I was deeply moved as I experienced a surge of joy at God's great love. I also heard the Pastor declare, "Whether you are a believer or not, you can pray to God about anything, for this God who created the whole universe is a God who hears prayer."

That day I heard nothing else but those words.

His gentle gaze

I moved into a graduate student dorm along with one of my new classmates. Shortly after my visit to the Chinese church,, I could not get to sleep one night because of bad toothache from a wisdom tooth. For more than two hours, I tossed and turned in bed. "But tomorrow," I thought, "I have to take my first midterm exam." I was really worried. But I couldn't wake up my new roommate, as we had only just met. And even if I did wake her, what could she do? I would also find it difficult communicating with a dentist here in a foreign land a long way from home. I had always been a very independent person, and this was the first time I had become conscious of my own limitations.

Just as the toothache was becoming utterly unbearable, I suddenly remembered the Pastor's words. Why not just try praying to God? I did not know what to say to Him, so in my heart I said, " O God, if you really exist and if you can hear me, please help my pain to go away and help me get to sleep. I have a test tomorrow and I can't afford not to have a good sleep." I even remembered to finish with, "In Jesus' name, Amen."

Tired and in pain, I had mumbled my prayer, but as soon as I finished I suddenly felt that there was a pair of eyes in the room gazing at me. I had never been a very brave person but this time I did not feel afraid. I sensed that God had heard my prayer and that He was watching me as I fell asleep. He was staying up all night for me. Gradually my toothache died away and I dropped off to sleep. The next morning when I woke up, I was full of joy and energy to go and take the exam. More importantly, I now knew that there was a God who would hear my prayers.

The misunderstanding

My second visit to the fellowship was two weeks later, on November 1st. When the Pastor issued the altar call, "Who is willing to accept Jesus as your personal Savior ? Please raise your hand. We will pray for you.", his words seemed so inviting and gentle. He seemed to be speaking directly to me.

Without hesitation, I raised my hand. Later I learned that this was called "making a decision to follow Jesus.". At the time, some people were surprised that I was making this decision on just my second visit to the church. They asked me whether I had had contact with Christians before. Embarassed to tell them about my Tianjin camping experience, I answered in the negative.

Those other two good friends of mine had gone to Finland to study and work. After I had graduated from college, we did not meet up with one another until Christmas 2002. One of them came over to Los Angeles on vacation. While we were sightseeing, I mentioned casually that I had accepted Christ. She was surprised, and said that she had not yet done this herself. I was even more surprised. Reflecting back, I realized that at the Tianjin camp, she had never actually told me that she had accepted Jesus. Perhaps at the time she was like me, still seeking.

I suddenly realized that my view of my friends had been a misunderstanding. Because of this, the seed of the Gospel had lain dormant in my heart and had been unable to grow. Because of my own pride, I had been unable to see the truth. But the Lord is a God of everlasting patience and mercy. He was not angry at me for not wanting to take His hand. But when I had woken up alone in the middle of night and thought that no one was staying up for me, He was there.

The author is from Chung-Ching. She worked in Shanghai in stock business for four years. She is now temporarily living in San Diego, California.