The Starting Point

by Li Ling

Before I believed in the Lord, the word life meant merely biological existence, including human existence. Likewise, the word death meant the end of existence. When I first read Jesus' words saying: "I am the way and the truth and life", I couldn't quite get the meaning of the word life. I was making the same mistake as Nicodemus had; I didn't know that there exists another life beyond our physical life and consequently I did not believe that it was possible for man to live another kind of life.

Since I believed in the Lord, I have felt, for the first time in my life, a kind of change taking place within me. This kind of change I sought for in the past, but it had never happened to me before. But now, finally, I have come to realise that human beings consist of flesh, mind and soul. Any changes in our minds are shallow changes; they are not changes of the soul. Unless our souls are restored and our fellowship with God re-established, there can be no fundamental changes. This is what is meant by being born again - a restoration of the life which had been close to death because of our rebellion against God.

No wonder that from childhood we had been exhorted to "learn from Lei Feng", to "carry on revolutionary movements deep in our souls" and to take part in life-long class struggles which promised to reshape our world outlook. But while all these exercises had indeed enabled us to adapt to changes in our circumstances, our sinful nature had not changed. Indeed we knew nothing about our sinful nature, yet at the same time we were trapped in our own sins. Under tremendous pressure from the society around us, we became more and more hypocritical simply in order to survive.

In our traditional culture, there have been many discussions about human nature. Besides the theory that men were born without sin, there was also the theory that men were born sinful. Compared to the doctrine of the sinful nature, however, there are the following notable differences:

1. All theories about good and evil in human nature start from a view of man's original human nature which is itself based in human nature. What they are trying to prove is the possibility or necessity of human rehabilitation. Sinful nature, on the other hand, points out the fact that man has abandonned God and departed from His will. But this concept has no parallel Chinese equivalent .

2. All theories about human nature unite in concluding that human beings are able to solve their own problems. But the inescapable outcome of the doctrine of the sinful nature is that human beings can rely only on God's salvation to avoid death and gain eternal life.

3. The theory that man is born without sin ultimately relies on human beings themselves to make themselves into saints, and such a belief necessarily results in human arrogance. Sinful nature tells us that it is human arrogance which is actually the root of evil, manifesting itself as the desire to distinguish between good and evil, like God. Sinful nature means that human beings are not able to drag themselves away from their sins and so they simply stick to them. Therefore, it is not until we humble ourselves before God that we can receive God's gracious gift of salvation.

Because we are not aware of our own sinful nature, we judge others by our own standards. We are quick to accuse others and we never criticize ourselves. But what about our own selves? In ancient times, people used to judge themselves based on the standards of the saints. Today, however, a single revolutionary movement can turn everybody into a saint. As a result, we all become our own standard. For the majority of Chinese people, God is totally remote because they see themselves as gods. In ancient times, our ancestors also put themselves in the center of the universe, but they at least had a common standard and so it was relatively easy for them to achieve certain goals. Today, however, Chinese people either surrender their bodies under pressure or forfeit their souls under temptation.

How can we see our own sins unless we first humble ourselves? And how can we believe in God unless we see our own sins? And all talk about souls is empty unless we believe in God But a life without a soul can never experience the inner wholeness that comes with the joy of rebirth.

Because of grace, I have been reborn. I no longer have to live according to the requirement of any external social dictatorship, or any political party or any powerful individual. I no longer have to worry about the conflicts between my own need and the values of the society around me. I enjoy freedom and I enjoy new meaning in my life. I believe that all these changes are not changes of mind but changes of life. I have never before experienced such a life-transformation. And how important these changes are ! they are fundamental changes, our most important changes. In fact they are genuine changes.

Has my old self disappeared, then ? By no means. My old self still makes its frequent comebacks in various situations and in various forms. Sometimes my old self comes back without my realizing it, when I show contempt for others, pick on others' shortcomings, lose my temper at things I don't like, or judge others in terms of my own interests There are other times, too, when I am aware that my old self is coming back. For example, I still feel that I must plan everything myself instead of committing it to God. When my wife and my child were applying for a US visa, brothers and sisters had advised me to pray about it. But I insisted on carrying out my own plans. I didn't start praying until my own wits had let me down. Thanks to the Lord's mercy they are safely here with me now.

Rebirth is a new starting point in life. The manifestation of the new life, however, takes more than a single day. This is specially true for us who have lived for so long in an environment full of man-made gods. We received an atheist education and we are still affected by the impact such an education has had on us. In Christian fellowship groups there are quite a few cases of failure among brothers and sisters from mainland China. When they get together, they seem to love the Lord very much and yet they find it hard to love each other. They often find it hard to forgive and the relationships among them can be fragile. Storms come easily and whenever there are storms, they just break up. What pitiful creatures we are! But God still has mercy on us all, and He will see that the pillar of fire and the pillar of cloud are always there to direct us on our way to eternal life.

I am amazed at the fact that the Lord Jesus washed His disciple's feet, and that act of his has also made me ponder deeply. This is the ultimate commentary on new life as a Christian. The Lord Jesus wanted us to understand the importance and the necessity of serving each other. Faith without deeds lacks truth, just as deeds without love lack truth. Most of us have been trained in higher education and most of us are good at writing or talking. We can publish a lot and give speeches and testimonies everywhere soon after we believe in the Lord. But if we do not truly repent and strive to live cleansed lives, our writing and talking is not worth much.

Once Pastor Teng and I were talking about our experiences of serving the Lord in church when he said to me quietly, "Never think that what you say is more important than what you do." While it's hard to have both faith and deeds, it is probably harder to have both deeds and love. We belong to the generation who grew up in an environment full of conflict, and for a long time our hearts have been soaked with the blood of hatred. We are full of suspicion, mistrust, over-sensitivity, over-rationalisation, narrow-mindedness, revenge, selfishness and so on. We yearn for love and we need love to solve all our problems. But we find it hard to love others. It is probably vital for us to learn to sacrifice ourselves, to serve others and to love others as we love ourselves.

One day I was discussing our church life in with a brother from mainland China, when he said cynically: "It is Jesus alone whom we believe in and Jesus we love. So we serve only Jesus." But our Lord Jesus requires us also to "wash one another's feet".

It is very significant that the Lord Jesus washed his disciples'feet for them. Firstly, the Lord wants us to be humble like Himself - what have we got to be proud of ourselves about, since the Lord Himself was able to act like a servant? Secondly, the Lord loves people. And this love is immeasurable. What is man? If there was no such thing as love, would God be concerned for us? Thirdly, the Lord wants us to prove to the world with our own deeds that we have been reborn. True transformation of life must be able to show itself through a person's actions.

How important it is for us to inject into our life the Lord's spirit of washing the feet of the disciples, so that our rebirth will not be simply empty talk !

The author comes from Shanghai. He currently studies in the Nyack Seminary in New York.