To Our Little Daughter, With Love

By Tang Lan

"Renee has hearing problems. We still need to carry out further tests to determine if there is any possibility of a cure. However, I do not want to mislead you or raise false hopes, because Renee's hearing problems are actually very serious. Even 90 decibels of sound have failed to cause any response in her brain waves. Such a hearing loss could well be permanent."

Seeing the tears welling up in my wife's eyes, I managed to control my own and embracing her, I stood silently by her side. The doctor's words seemed so far away. My wife and I used to be professional musicians; we had never imagined that our own daughter could suffer from hearing loss. How hard it was to accept the fact that she would never be able to hear her parents' music!

Over the next few days I began to have doubts. Oh Lord, how can you allow such a thing to happen to your servant? You know we are both busy serving you and bringing up our four children. How are we going to find time to learn sign language and to take care of a child with hearing loss? But hard on the heels of grief and doubt came faith. I remembered God's promise, "My grace is sufficient for you." "In all things God works for the good of those who love him." "I know my will for you is to give peace in place of woes, so that you may have hope in the end." God's words gave us comfort and strength. During those days, my wife and I often came to God together in earnest prayer. We asked God to cure our daughter and to give us the mental and physical strength to walk this path. And during those days, I felt that we were indeed drown closer to God than ever before.

My daughter's illness prompted me to do a lot of thinking before God. God had allowed this to happen to us, so it had to be for our good. As we prayed for His help and strength in our difficulty, I realized that we were being enabled to come closer to God and to experience His power in our heart. Secondly, I realized that God had placed a disabled person in our family so that we could learn more about His love and compassion.

I had grown up in a disciplined family where there was very little love and compassion. For a minister love and compassion are far more important than they are for other people. God had already taught me lessons through my other children, and now He wanted me to continue to learn from Renee. As Paul said, "Those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty." God wanted us to care for our little Renee with special love, compassion and patience.

Furthermore, as we experienced sorrow in our own lives, we were able to identify with others who were suffering, to feel their pain and give them comfort and encouragement. The Lord Jesus set us an example as he became flesh and came to this world and tasted all kinds of sufferings, culminating in his crucifixion for our sins. Christian faith was not about avoiding sufferings; it was about overcoming sufferings. We thanked the Lord for giving us this opportunity both to learn and to testify to how Christians handle sufferings.

When Christians meet up with tests and sufferings, they can never have too much of the prayers and support of their brothers and sisters! During those days, many brothers and sisters prayed earnestly for us and comforted us. Even the children who came to the Friday night fellowship all learned sign language. I truly believe that their love rose right up to the throne of God and was transformed into the blessings that fell back on us. Not only was my family richly blessed, but the entire church experienced an outpouring of love for one another, and it pleased God's heart. I was amazed at how little Renee was able to be the bringer of blessings to the whole of God's family. For this we truly thank the Lord, and we extend our gratitude to the brothers and sisters who gave us their love and support.

Some of you might ask what has become of little Renee? Hasn't it been unfair to her? It is no doubt a great pity not to be able to hear beautiful music, the soft voices of the ones who love us, the symphonies of nature. It is also true, however, that a deaf person is exempted from many other noises in this world, like angry quarrels between people and unkind personal remarks. This probably explained why Renee was the happiest of the four daughters in my family. She smiled a lot and she often laughed out loud when her sisters teased her. She must have had a happy and peaceful heart. Her three sisters all loved her dearly and they would often give her hugs. Like a little angel sent down from above, little Renee brought much love and joy into our family.

Once a sister prayed to God: "Oh Lord, Renee is such a unique and special child, created by you." The word "unique" touched me deeply. Indeed, I believe that Renee's birth was not just one chance out of hundreds of million. God tells us in the Bible: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I set you apart." (Jer. 1:5) Because Renee was uniquely made, God must have planned a special mission for her. This special mission might be that God wants to use her to demonstrate His glorious healing power. But it could also be that God wants to use her to spread the Gospel among the deaf whom we are not able to reach. No matter what, we as parents are willing to do our best to help her carry out whatever mission God has intended for her.

Another time a brother said that a person could not lose anything if he had never had it. Indeed, it is not that Renee had actually lost anything but rather that she possessed some special quality that distinguished her from others. She could not express herself in words, but she was very quick and good at expressing herself with gesture or body language. Her exaggerating actions easily won laughter from everybody in the family. She enjoyed entertaining us with her funny expressive body language. She seemed to be very good at understanding. Although we could not communicate with her through words, our spirits met through eye contact and mutual understanding.

One sister gave us a comforter on which was written: "Renee can hear the voice of God." She could actually feel God's voice! Before every meal, we would put her little hands together and lead her in giving thanks for the food. When we occasionally forgot to do this, she would do it herself and then she stare at us, as if criticizing us for not giving thanksgiving to God. When as a family we raised our hands in worship and praise to God, she would joyfully do the same. Watching her lovely smiling face, I was deeply moved. She could not hear, but in her spirit she was able to feel the love of God.

One evening I was sitting on the couch watching her when a great sense of compassion overwhelmed me. My eyes turned red. Oh, how I loved this unique daughter of mine! Then God showed me how He looks down on us with just this same compassion. When we were still sinners, God saw our handicaps and emptiness of spirit. Looking at us with his infinitely loving eyes, he slowly extended his hand toward us and said softly: "Child, I love you. Come, I want to cure your spirit. I want to fill you so that you will never be in need. I want to help you and nurture you." In this voice we hear the compassion of a Father towards the children He loves. As a father myself, these were my exact feeling too.

I thank the Lord because in Renee He has given me a lovely angel. May her whole life be in the Lord's hands. I pray for God's special protection and guidance for her; I also pray for God to strengthen my wife and me so that we can help her as well as our other children to fulfill the call and mission of God.

The author is now a minister in San Diego, California.