It Is He

There were pieces of broken glass in the parking space. It must have been stolen. I cried in despair.

By Li Xiao-chuan

My dream

When I was in middle school, our teacher asked us to write a composition entitled My Dream. At that time, I was greatly influenced by revolutionary movies. To fight in combat in the front line and rescue wounded soldiers was a sacred task. So I wrote in my composition that I hoped to become a nurse holding a gun with one hand and caring for the wounded with the other. Then a rare opportunity came my way. There were three openings for female soldiers for the whole city and I was the first to be selected. I was dispatched to an infantry division. Several months later I figured that I had already realized half of my dream. But what next? One morning I woke up early, gazing out at the sky outside the window and murmuring to myself. It was as if I was talking to someone about my thoughts: I wanted to study medicine.

Soon another opportunity came my way. I had taken an exam, and while I thought I had done quite well in math I was not nearly so sure about the other subjects. I thought I had blown them all. But I did not want to lose out on this opportunity of going back to school. I gazed up at the sky and murmured to myself, "Oh, how wonderful it would be to go back to school!" A short time later I received a message from the supervisor, "News has just come through that you have been admitted into Beijing's military medical school." I was puzzled. It seemed as if that someone had known exactly what was in my mind and was there on the spot to help me. This feeling grew stronger and stronger.

Three years went by and my student days were soon over. I was designated to a military hospital in Hunan Province as a nurse. My dream seemed to have been fully realized by then, except that I didn't like this place at all. I wanted to work in Wuhan, which was nearer my home. Two or three years later I found myself working at a military hospital in Beijing close to the Great Wall. But it was still a long way from the metropolitan area. Besides, my husband worked south of Beijing, which was not too far away but by no means close. I had really hoped I could work in the city. One year later I was finally placed at the Navy General Hospital in Beijing. By this time my husband was beginning to prepare to go overseas for further study. To avoid being too conspicuous, a few months later I went to work at the much smaller Air Force Hospital in Beijing.

My husband's employer had apartments available in the city but we were not eligible for one. Instead we had to live outside the city and spend hours each day on crowded buses. Added to this, I often had to work night shifts. I was very tired and could hardly handle my situation. My dream job had become such a burden to me that I once again remembered the invisible being that had once helped me. I couldn't tell who he was but I knew for sure that he was really there to help. One day I said to some of my colleagues, "There's absolutely no-one, not even myself, who can change my situation now. But I do believe that somewhere there is someone who is just and who sees everything about me and he will take pity on me." My colleagues were astonished when they heard this. They had no idea what made me utter these words.

It is He

Then came the day when my husband was to go abroad. And so much for my fifteen years of military life, in which I had been in both the south and the north working for the army, the navy and the air force, with so many bitter sweet experiences. My simple dream had come true - but I was still unhappy. My plan to go to America seemed to offer some renewed hope. But would the mysterious being still be able to help me there? I was not at all sure.

On the day I arrived in America, my husband told me about God. I was very excited by what I heard. Yes, God really existed. I had experienced Him. I had asked for His help in my difficult times. He had listened to my prayers. But I had often forgotten about Him and relied on myself instead.

Later I learned that this God was actually Jesus Christ, although I knew very little about Him. My husband took me to Christian fellowship meetings, and there I experienced a genuine love and the mutual care and helpfulness of the group members. The warm atmosphere made me think of a happy family. Although I could not see Jesus, I followed others in reading, meditating on and sharing His words, and so I began to know more about Him. I gradually realized that the warm atmosphere, the genuine love and the mutual care all came from Him.

Jesus' words were so wonderful. He said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Mt. 11:28-30) Weren't my past experiences the reflection of a life that was weary and burdened ? What comfort Jesus' words have brought me! Isn't it for spiritual peace that we struggle in this world? Jesus also said: "What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?" (Mt. 16:26) True, we struggle to make money and pursue fame and vanity, without being concerned about life itself. But how often our achievements fail to satisfy us.

My husband and I were baptized together on February 11, 1997. At that time we didn't have a lot of faith and we did not know God's word very well. So God's word did not have a great impact on us until we had some experiences through which we began to understand His will. And our faith grew accordingly.

A used car

For a long time we were without a car, but finally we had saved up enough to buy a used car for less than two thousand dollars. So we prayed and asked that we might be able to purchase an appropriate vehicle. Very soon we found an American car that met our needs. The brother who took us to see the car prayed for us and asked that we might know God's will about it.

After buying the car we found a few problems with it. I began to be skeptical about our decision and I even doubted whether God had really heard our prayers. Later I learned that these were really minor problems and it wouldn't cost much to have them fixed. In spite of this, we were still very worried that the car could break down at any time.

One day in April I drove to a meeting at the church. When the meeting was over and I came back to the parking lot, the car was gone. There were pieces of broken glass in the parking space. It must have been stolen. I cried in despair. I called the police, who told me that this was not at all uncommon. They said that very few stolen vehicles were ever recovered and if they were they would very likely be damaged. So my husband and I gave up all hope. We couldn't understand why God would allow something like this to happen to us. But we prayed anyway and asked the Lord to help the police recover the car.

Three days later, to our surprise, we were informed that the car had been found. They told us that the thief had abandoned the vehicle outside the city. Apart from some minor damage to the steering wheel and the broken window, the car was in pretty good shape. We had the steering wheel and the front door window fixed along with a few other minor problems, with the total cost amounting to less than two hundred dollars. The car was back to normal and I began to feel a lot better about it. That summer I even turned on the air conditioning. The car was in great shape in spite of its disastrous loss and recovery, showing that it had always been in good condition, although I had always lived in a state of anxiety about it. The Lord spoke to me through this experience that I should not keep on being anxious, but must be content with what I have because it all comes by God's grace.

This loss and recovery of our vehicle was a practical demonstration to us of the Lord's love. As soon as the car was stolen, the brothers and sisters had prayed for us and they had kept us company for over two hours until the police arrived. The next day one brother offered to lend us his car. The church was like a great big family to me. Jesus' fatherly love enables His children to love each other and to overcome hardship together.

The accident at the pool

Something else happened to us in July 1998. Our seven-year-old son was playing with us at the public swimming pool in our apartment complex. A group of children were jumping into the water from the spring board and our son followed them. At that time he couldn't swim but he followed them and jumped anyway. He was under the water for quite a while before the lifeguard spotted him and pulled him out unconscious. He was rushed to the emergency room. Later he was transferred to the intensive care unit for further observation before being discharged the next day. My husband and I were very concerned about any possible ongoing effects but the doctor assured us that our son was OK and there wouldn't be any sequela at all. We were relieved. But our next problem was a medical bill of almost five thousand dollars. That really worried us.

My husband and I firmly believed that it was by God's perfect will that such an untoward event had been allowed to happen to us, but we were not at all clear what His good will was. The only thing we could think of was that God was warning us through this incident that we were expected to take good care of our child and to teach and train him. But this whole affair seemed too big for us to handle and we were stunned to find ourselves facing such a huge debt. We anxiously prayed to God asking for help. At the same time we were grateful that our son was safe after all.

Our son had accident insurance coverage. After three months of negotiation, the insurance company finally agreed to pay what they were supposed to pay, which amounted to about half the cost. But what about the other half? We could pay it off all right. But we would be left in very bad shape if we did so. We had thought about delaying payment indefinitely or complaining to the hospital at the excessive cost. But God stopped us from doing this, reminding us that His grace was sufficient for us and His power was perfected in our weakness.

And God was merciful to us. Although we were carrying a heavy financial burden as a result of the accident, God provided for us abundantly at the same time. My husband continued to receive financial aid and his tuition was exempted for two semesters. We had refused to pay the medical bill because we were worried about tomorrow and we didn't have faith in a God who provides. After much prayer, we decided to pay off the bill. At a Friday Bible study, I shared with others our situation and our latest decision. A couple of brothers told us that the landlord ought also to be held responsible for the costs as the accident had happened in the public area of the complex. They said that perhaps the landlord could help handle part of the expenses.

My husband went to the manager and told him about the situation. He asked us to fill out a form and forward the case to the state office of Arizona, as the state was supposed to determine whether the landlord was responsible. We mailed the materials to the state and kept praying. The hospital bills continued to come but our hearts became more and more at peace as we prayed. Almost three months had passed before we received the reply: the state had agreed to take care of the rest of the bill! When my husband hung up the phone and told me the news, we both wept.

Through this incident, I have learned a great deal about patience, hope, trust and faith. The Lord Jesus said, "There is hardship in the world, but there is peace in me." I don't know what kind of hardship I may yet come up against, but I know that whatever comes my way is good for me and will enrich my life. With faith in the Lord, I have found true peace.

The author came from Hubei Province, China. She lives in Arizona.