The Words of an Old Man

By Qian Zhi-yu

Our young friends, we want to thank you. You have given us warmth. Like a hot-water bag in winter, our hands are warm and so are our hearts. We have found home at your church.

When we first heard about the church, we were very hesitant. Are we in for yet another round of political brainwashing ? 'Watch out for the poison of spiritual opium'. Isn't this a westerners' toy? How ridiculous the idea of gods and spirits is!

For visitors in a foreign country, however, life can be lonely. Family members cannot fill the void. With no English and no car, we might as well have been blind or deaf or handicapped. We had survived all those political movements and finally settled for a decent life, only to find ourselves in yet another state of instability on coming here to America!

Our children have kept urging us to go to church. As soon as we step inside the church building, we are impressed by the smiling faces, warm greetings, special programs and individual care. You spend money and time on gas, movies, messages and games for us. How can we go on resisting your love ?

Each one of you is special. Some of you look very genteel and are probably scholars or specialists. Some never say a word, but take care of the refreshments. Some have loud voices and make us laugh with their sense of humor. There is also this lively and humble young man who always blushes when he talks. And there are people of our own age, humble, cheerful and warm.

Then there are the retreats and seminars, the hymns and testimonies. We are learning that scientists also believe in Jesus. We learn that there have been western missionaries giving their lives to China. We learn that the teachings of the Bible are superior to Confucianism. We learn that the love of Jesus does not belong to this world! All our previous resistance is about to crumble. But we are still struggling to hang on to our long-time "faith" in atheism!

What explanation can we find for all you have done for us? We never imagined that personal relationships could be so warm. No wonder you address one another as brothers. You really are like brothers and you help each other. There are no orders from above, no political motives and no personal benefits. You are just a bunch of godly people, a loving family.

Every one of your smiling faces is inscribed with love and respect. Even behind that loud voice there is perseverance and humility. When a 5-foot-11 church elder bows to an old man like me, his head almost touches his waist. Then there is that blushing young man who cannot restrain his tears when he prays for us.

All this seems to make sense. If God were not really the Creator, why is the sky such a lovely blue and what makes the plants grow? If Jesus is not God, then what makes your love so real and natural? If Jesus was not divine, what brought peace to our son and daughter-in-law? What makes our daughter care for us so much?

They are all so busy and yet they still care for us. They celebrate our wedding anniversary. They take us to a farm to pick apples. After harvesting a lot, we sit there in the warm sun chatting about the old days. We are all so happy and warm. We feel as if we are already converted before we realize it. Is it true that we are not very far from God?

You welcome us to live with you during the hot summer. You send us flowers when we are sick. We thought it was necessary to have a religion. But from the sincerity in your eyes, we can tell that your "religion" must be the right one.

We talk over a lot of things with our children. We realize that the testimonies about Jesus cannot be denied and that the truth of the Bible is like a bright lamp... But in the depths of our minds we are still struggling. During the day we may claim to be atheists, but at night we find ourselves facing the reality of God! So we close the door and watch the Jesus movie. Oh, what kind of love is this? He is bleeding, one drop of blood after another till it is all gone, all for the salvation of sinners like us! I weep, I rise to my feet, then I and my elderly wife kneel down together.

Jesus has become our Lord too. Through Him we have returned home to our Heavenly Father. Our spiritual bondage has been broken and our sadness replaced with joy. See my tears. Jesus has healed my past sorrow. Old people like us are once again enjoying the innocence of childhood in the presence of God. Our Father is so close and so dear because it is he who is the source of all that is true, good or beautiful in our consciences.

We thank you, our dear brothers and sisters. As we leave to return to our homeland, we shake your hands and embrace you. You have helped us find our eternal home. No matter where we are, may we always belong to the same family in the love of our Heavenly Father!

The author was born in Chongqing and grew up in Taiwan. He taught in Michigan State University. He wrote this letter to brothers and sisters on behalf of elderly people returning to China.