Tree of Angels

"I think," she hesitated, "even though I like this little bear very much, but, I think I should still give it to that girl."

By Ning Zi

Street lights were shining.

Christmas's decoration was lighted too. I took Noah out of the shopping mall. There was no white snow by the roadside, but the wind was chilling.

I carried Noah, who was hugging the white teddy bear.

"How many more hours of sleep before Christmas is here?"

Noah was asking me again. She always counted time by the number of hours to sleep.

"About ten some more hours!"

"Ten some, just exactly how many?"

"Mmmn.." after some calculation, "another sixteen hours."

"How long is sixteen hours?" Noah muttered. She knew that I did not like to talk much while driving.

"Mommy, would you count for Noah."

"Noah counts."

"But, Noah wants to hear Mommy count."

She was always like this, preferring to hear me count. So I counted joyfully as though Christmas would come more quickly this way.

Underneath the Christmas tree, there were already gifts for Noah. Noah knew that this teddy bear, along with other children's gifts, would be placed under a huge Tree of Angels several days later. The night before Christmas, a loving angel would deliver it to a little girl who needed love and her home probably did not have a Christmas tree ....

Hugging the teddy bear, Noah walked into her room. I knew how much she liked the bear. I too liked this bear that wore colorful clothes.

After an evening prayer, I kissed Noah and whispered "Sleep with your bear, and give your love and bear to that little girl."

"What's her name?"

"I don't know."

"Is she very poor?"

"Mmmn, I think she needs help."

The cold wind groaned in the night air and stars twinkled. Noah has fallen asleep. Tugging her in, my hand touched the soft clothing of the teddy bear. From the teddy bear's clothing to Noah's soft hands, I couldn't resist to stare at her. As her nostrils breathing in and out gently, the teddy bear's white fuzz waved ups and downs gently. Suddenly a thought occurred as I caressed Noah:

"Why not keep the bear for Noah?"

I was taken aback because I knew I shouldn't. In the store, the moment I saw the bear, I knew this was the gift that little girl wanted. I even thought that the child must have been praying for this gift ....

"But, Noah likes it too!"

The stars were shining, the lamp on the nightstand was lighted too. I knew God already disliked my thoughts.

Sunlight showed through the blinds. With Noah sitting by the bedside, I ventured the question:

"Does Noah like this bear?"

"Yes, I do."

"Does Noah want to keep it?"

Noah raised her head, and I could see the surprised gladness in her eyes.

"May I?"

"If," I hesitated, "If Noah could exchange it with another item ..." I took out a stuffed puppy from her toy shelves. I knew this puppy was not to my liking.

"How can we do that, Mommy?" --- I could see the reproaching look from Shiaw-Shiaw, Noah's elder sister, who was getting ready for school. --- "Noah has had too many gifts. But that child probably only got this one." --- She was repeating what I told them. I was feeling embarrassed but still trying to resist:

"This puppy, maybe, that child would like too ..."

Noah, looking at her sister, then at me, nodded her head.

In the afternoon, I was sitting alone in the front of the window. I could not escape my uneasy heart. I knew, if I put the puppy under the Tree of Angels, that little girl's disappointment would make poor all my love. When giving something not favored by me as a gift to others, I knew the gift was as unpleasing as my intention ...

All of a sudden, a ruffling sound came around the door. Noah was home. She knew that I did not wish to be interrupted when sitting alone in front of the window.

"Mommy," she attached herself to my ear.

"Yes?"

"I think," she hesitated, "even though I like the bear very much, but, I think I should still give it to that little girl."

"Oh?!" I was taken by surprise, "why?"

"I don't know." Noah hugged the bear tightly. "Can I sleep with it for a few more days?"

"Of course." I picked up Noah and felt the soft skin of the bear, still having Noah's warmth. My heart was softly touched.

"Are there still teddy bears underneath the Tree of Angels?"

"I don't know."

"But God knows, isn't it?"

"Yes."

The wind blew again. The chime by the door made a bright sound. This is the first wind chime we bought after moving here. I rather liked its design, a slender bell hanging from the little house. "What's on the house?"

"Swallows."

"What do the swallows say?"

"It is a little house where we live, but God still know where it is."

So, I remembered the little girl waiting for the gift - Over there was a small house. Inside the house, there might not be a Christmas tree. But, in the morning of Christmas, when Noah searched her gifts under the tree, an angel would also give that little girl the teddy bear...

God knew where she lived, and what she wished for --- so, I dared not slight her prayers, nor the blessing from the Tree of Angels.

God so loves this child more than her mother does. Thinking of this, my eyes went moist.

The author is from Nan-king, now resides in Los Angeles