Nick

By Wang Kun

Bright smile

"Welcome, welcome! I am Nick..."

As soon as I got in, Nick's big hands held both of my hands tightly with his bright voice. The house was filled with Chinese. Every young face was with smile. After some chatting, we began the English conversation class. I just arrived in the US about one month ago so I could not understand much. One and half hours passed fast in quite a puzzled situation for me.

I did not remember much about what was taught in the class but Nick's enthusiasm and broad smile made a big impression on me. That kind of smile looked quite rare to me. My childhood dream was broken by the screaming, scolding, beating, then gun and cannon noise in the culture revolution. I did not remember whether there was much smile on my father's face.

That year, my elderly brother's arm hung a red cloth with sign of opposition and he went to fight against "capitalism". When he came home, my father, being a soldier before, tied him up to a tree and whipped him. He scolded him, "You, I will kill you, this radical." He searched for his old gun but could not find it so he sat on the floor for a long time.

Then my father was sent to a labor farm. My elder brother and young brother went back to our hometown in Shan-See. They ate poorly there. Mother often went to the countryside to work. I had freedom to roam around anywhere I wanted to but I had to watch out other people's attitude toward me. In those days, smiling face to me was as rare as "eating meat in a big feast".

After culture revolution, I went to college. After graduation, I went to graduate school. People I met all seemed to have masks. After "June forth", there was no relationship that was sincere. Heart to heart talk was very rare.

Nick was 65 years old. He was retired from the post office. In the past five years, every Tuesday night 7:30, he and his wife Mary taught many Chinese students, scholars, and families English. Many people came and went.

That day, I was quite confused. How could I relate 1840 Opium war with this passionate smiling face? I could not connect the falling wall in Yun-Ming garden and "unequal contract" to the unselfish contribution of this couple.

The story behind "gaining the horse"

Syracuse is a famous snow city. There are 6 months of snow every year here. Even so, in 48 weeks of the 52 weeks every year, Nick's class is filled with laughers and all kinds of Chinglish.

Just like Nick and Mary, many Chinese and I go to this English class every week. But many teachings in the Bible are big challenges to me. For example, "Love your enemy". How could it be? When I was young, I saw a bad guy kick my father down from a high platform in the public courtyard. How could I love him?

Also my group leader made my wife and I work in two far away cities. When my two months old daughter was very sick, he would not let me leave to go take care of them. How could I love him unless I were mad?

Nick did not teach much theory. He just asked us read the words several times and explained new vocabulary. Occasionally, he used simple wordings to do some explanation. When there were tough questions, for instance, "in all things God works for the good of those who love him", someone asked, "Is opium good"? He smiled and said he accepted the Bible with faith.

Tuesday is English Bible class. Wednesday morning, Nick and Mary would prepare free lunch for foreign students in the college of snow city. When people eat, a speaker would give a short talk. The topics are related to life issues or the Bible. I listed and raised many questions. Sometimes my questions could be answered but sometimes they couldn't be answered.

For examples, "in all things God works for the good"; "If you want to gain life, you must loose your life." These sayings could not be understood by reason. The strange thing is that these words seem to be contradictory but they are attractive to me. They force me to listen and to think.

One day I suddenly thought about the Chinese saying of "a rich man loosing a horse". This seems to be quite similar as Jesus' words. Do we understand it completely? From that story we seem to understand that from "loosing a horse" to "gaining a horse" is not a coincidence. Then do we understand the force that causes this man to have the blessing? No, we seem to stop there. The stranger thing is that we accept the Chinese story of "a rich man loosing a horse" as wisdom but reject Jesus' saying of "in all things God works for the good".

Another instance is "Doing nothing then don't do anything". Have we ever doubted this famous phrase? How could a man after doing nothing, then he doesn't do anything? How come our reasoning has double standards?

Sometimes I feel my reasoning has limits or perhaps it is used in the wrong place. Many years of logic training and science education make us feel that logics and science are super powerful. But we fall into a "well". We only see the sky that we can see in the well. Many people after being educated for many years seem to fulfill an old saying, "After the blessing, a disaster arrives." No wonder Pascal said: "I could not forgive (the modern rationalism) Decal."

Can you use reason to explain love? For example, one year in a famine, a mother who did not have enough milk so she used a piece of clay to cut her nipple and used her blood to feed her starving baby. Another case is: every Wednesday Nick couple give out free lunch and teach Chinese English voluntarily.

So in this "well", we loose the simplicity in humanity. We loose the comprehensive ability to understand love and the truth.

What power changes the disaster into blessing in the story of "a rich man loosing a horse"? Who is behind the power? The second half of the verse "in all things God works for the good" is "of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose". God is the key. God is the center of this verse. He is the master of "all things". Therefore, when man is "doing nothing", it's when he gives up himself. When man gives up his selfish and stubborn will, God begins His work. Then there will be the best result. This is not the result of man seeking his own good but God uses His deep and wide love to bless His children's "doing nothing". Then we need to loose our lives first in order to gain lives. What we loose is the life that is self-seeking, small, and for sure dying. When we give up this dying life, a new life will be born.

Time to say good-bye

People come and go in the English class Nick teaches. Some graduate; some don't need it any more. New students who come are those who first arrive in the new country. People come to this free land that no one is in charge of you. People come to this class because the need to learn English, because there is warmth and unconditional love.

Some come in; some leave. When you come in, you have empty hands. When you leave, you might have a job; You might have knowledge of the truth. All leave happily. Nice and Mary saw the seeds with joy without asking to harvest.

In the spring of 1993, Nick got sick. He had cancer. After one year, he passed away. Soon we left Snow City. We came with empty hands but when we left, our hearts were filled with love and knowing the truth abundantly.

We went to visit Mary before leaving. Mary was very happy. She prepared a children's Bible craft book for my daughter. My daughter's name, Jennifer was picked by Mary. It means "the girl that God loves". Mary looked a little bit old since her husband just passed away. But she had a very good mood. She even told my daughter the story from the craft book.

It was hard to say good-bye, especially to Mary. Now she is alone. But she said, "We will see each other in our heavenly father's. We will also see Nick there." I believe so.

Author is from Yun-Nan. He is now a computer engineer and resides in New Jersey, USA.