Release Young Eagle from Nest-A Mother's Journal

By Li-Yen

Are you sure to release your daughter in this way?

In the coming year, my daughter will be going to college.

"Do you know which school she applies for? What major will she be in?" Many friends and relatives ask me with kindness.

I reply, "I don't know. If she could not make her own decision, she would ask me."

"Is she moving out? Will she be able to cook for herself?"

"Sure, no problem. She is capable of taking good care of herself. Also, it's time for her to take care of herself."

"You are willing to release her in such way?...." Although the sentence is not finished by the requesting person, I can guess that he/she is criticizing me for being such a mother.

My own mother also made an international phone call to reprimand me: "She is not even twenty. If she moves out and makes bad friends, what would you do? There are so many unwedded people living together in New Zealand. If she does the same, can you take the responsibility for her?" So much pressure on me!

"I was sent to go to village to work when I was her age. Didn't you let me go?" I ask.

"At that time, we had no choice. That was during the cultural revolution..."

"When man faces no solution, the only solution is to pray. Please pray for her." Being in Christian family for many generations, this is our way to put all "worries" away.

My mother is speechless.

Memory with tears

The words I told my mother were also for me.

Time flies so fast. My little daughter used to be like a little bird flying around me, now she has grown up and is ready to fly away. To be a mother with 20 years of nurturing her, my heart is filled with loss, separation anxiety and worries for her future. The word "release" actually feels quite heavy in my heart.

But I know, I have no option.

This is the third separation "release" I am experiencing.

The first time was when my daughter was three and half years old. I took her to a park to play. She on purpose escaped from my holding hand and walked toward the top of the sliding stairway by her self. She followed the bigger child in front of her to climb to the top. I could not touch her any more, but stared at her. Her each step was like her foot pressing on my heart. I saw her high up there on the slide. She looked like a cartoon doll wearing a blue dress with white lace. She carefully but awkwardly sat down and directly faced me to slide down. With her eyes open wide but smiling big, she fell into my arms. I also laughed and cried for her first act of achieving independence.

The second time was the first day when she went to elementary school. I was among a big group of parents outside of her classroom. Inside, she was much focused. The teacher asked, "Which new student is willing to sing a song for us?" Then, only she raised her hand. She sang, "Mom mom, dear mother, it is you who nurture me with your milk..." My daughter's young voice was like a little creek flowing into my heart. It was so sweet and warm...

Thinking about all these memories that I had to release her, although I was not willing, I was full of tears. The child and the mother are linked by blood and flesh. Not only when a child is born, the mother has to experience dramatic pain; but also when the child is growing up, the mother has to suffer the painful separation many times.

If there is no painful separation, there is no way to build a person's sense of independence-a mature personality, healthy person who knows how to take care of responsibility and obligation and also knows how to enjoy life as well as faces the pressure and frustration.

If one can raise such person, one is not ashamed to be a mother. The best interpretation of a mother's love

In fact, my daughter has tried to be separate from home. Last year, before final exam, she and a few friends of hers rented a place. They walked to school together then after school, they cooked and studied together. After coming home, she never asked me to drive her to school. She also got rid of complaining about using the kitchen and bathroom together with others. Regarding the interacting with boys, we already have deep mutual understanding about each other's position. Since she started middle school, she would pass the note that boys wrote to her to me to read. I also do not read her journal or private letter. I respect her privacy, a basic right of a person.

"She knows nothing. You let her be in contact with boys freely?" Some friends are worried.

"If you do not allow them to be in interaction, how would they understand one another?" I asked.

In fact, my daughter has received much information and is more mature than some other girls her age. Our communication is good so she should have ability to handle her world of emotion. I always think, respect, trust and understanding are the best interpretation of a mother's love. Doubting, going behind one's back, or exaggerating, on the other hand, will damage healthy loving relationship between mother and daughter.

The most important point is that my daughter and I both are Christians. I deeply believe that my heavenly father loves me and he also loves my daughter. His love is so deep beyond measurement. In the Bible, it says "He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; He compassed him about, he cared for him, He kept him as the apple of his eye. As an eagle that stirreth up her nest, that fluttereth over her young, He spread abroad his wings, he took them, He bare them on his pinions."

When the mother eagle stirs up her nest and flutters over her young to help it spread the wings, it is trying to teach the young bird to fly. Although the young eagle cannot fly high or far, it might also fall, its mother will protect it to be safe. "It spread abroad its wings, it took the young eagle." - This is real love. This kind of love can help establish a complete love.

It's the Bible that teaches me how to love my daughter who is leaving the nest. I know her future may not be full of roses but I know even she walks through a desert land or in the waste howling wilderness, our loving God will "compass him about, care for her, and keep her as the apple of his eye."

The author is from Beijing. She is an experienced editor and writer. Now she lives in Oakland New Zealand.