Yao-yao and Newton

She saw more people coming into the restaurant. By the light from the restaurant, she saw dishes and dishes of hot food. She was hungry, but she dared not spend any money. She had to save every penny she could for her tuition.

By Lu Yao-yao

Her first overseas trip

As the 747 touched down at Boston airport, Yao-yao saw the lights shining through the window and felt a surge of emotion. Here she was, such a long way away from all that was familiar, her family and her home. She was accompanying her husband to the United States to start their new life.

Her husband's name is Newton. They met one another when they were in college. When she picked up her painting gear to go outside to paint, he would follow her and wait quietly for her. After Newton graduated from college, he followed the nineties trend and came to America for graduate school. He returned home in the winter vacation to see her.After their wedding she followed him to the land at the other end of the earth, America.

When they arrived at the dormitory, Newton had already invited a group of friends for a big celebration feast.Everyone chatted for a while, but after dinner they all left. This was their so-called wedding reception.

When Yao-yao woke upthe next morning, it was quite late. She opened the curtains and saw that the sky was a clear blue. Newton took Yao-yao over to the campus. It was full of traditional Roman style buildings with tall columns and roofs. Each column was decorated in Corinthian style. It was so splendid and grand looking. Yao-yao's heart was full of hope, envy and admiration as she saw all the students hurrying through the campus.

That day, for the first timeYao-yao used the ATM machine, the automatic deposit timer for car, the drinking fountain and the clean public restroom, and saw many kinds of unfamiliar vegetables on the market. The most interesting thing was the automatic library system. She was filled with curiosity and excitement in this new environment. She was introduced to many of Newton's teachers and classmates and visited Newton's lab. That day she said "Nice to meet you" again and again.

On the third day, when she woke up, Newton had already gone. Yao-yao called his name several times but there was no response. She soon spotted a note on the table, "Darling, I've gone over to the school. Please heat yourself some milk after you wake up." So Newton was already into his busy schedule without worrying about jetlag. Yao-yao just took it easy, getting over her jetlag. She cooked up a nice supper for Newton to come home to. On the fourth day, Yao-yao walked to a nearby furniture shop. She wanted to buy a bedside cabinet. And the two chairs they had were not a pair, so she wanted to see whether she could buy something better. Everything was so expensive. She had to multiply the price by 8 in order to exchange it into Chinese dollars. Every month Newton earned one thousand one hundred American dollars. They had to pay $650 for rent, and after paying utilities, telephone bill, medical and car insurances, they didn't have much left. A bedside cabinet would be a luxury.

After she got home, Yao-yao found a nice piece of cloth and used it to cover the carton that the TV had come in, to be used as a bedside cabinet. On it, she placed a small alarm clock she had brought from China. It looked quite pretty. After her visit to the furniture shop, she decided that those two chairs just had to stay put for the time being.

When Newton came home, she asked him, "Did you notice that we have something new in our place?" Of course, Newton praised her, and that was the end of their conversation for the day.

The loneliness of being home alone

Yao-yao passed her days the same way day after day. She cooked nice meals for Newton and waited for him to come home to eat. For the first few days this was fine. But after a few weeks, she felt so lonely. The few Chinese people she knew were all occupied with study or work. She was on her own at home trying to memorize lists of new words. It was all so dry and boring. Those TOFEL and GRE books looked so strange to her. Her days seemed very long and her future beyond reach.

Yao-yao felt very empty and restless. Her life seemed to confirm what people had said about an F-2 spouse's life - living in her husband's shadow. She had lost her own sense of self-worth. In her heart, she was very confused. She had given up her job in China in order to get married and accompany her husband to come and study in a foreign land, and this had caused her to lose her own identity.

But she had had a good education and did not want to lose hold of herself like this. After her graduation from college, she had had a very good job. Now she would need to pass an English exam so that she could apply for graduate school. But she would have to study very hard. Whenever would she be able to apply for the school....? The future was quite complicated.

When she first got married, she had needed to make some adjustments. She had had to change her role from that of a treasured daughter to being a capable wife. When she arrived in this foreign land, she was having to adjust to the new language, culture, and customs. She had to learn English from the TV news. She felt that her daily life was arid and difficult.

She wrote to her parents and family members, "I miss all you Chinese speakers so much right now."

Moving house the cheap way

Yao-yao and Newton decided to move off campus. In order to save money, they would move to an old house nearby with three bedrooms and one living room. They would share the rent with two other students. This way they could reduce their rent costs from $650 to $300. Although the house was old and small, it was not that far from the school. It only took 20 minutes to walk to Newton's lab. They could also take the half-hourly scheduled bus to the campus in winter or at night.

When they moved, they could not afford to rent the U-Haul which Americans normally used for a house-move. With much difficulty, they moved their inner-spring bed to the new place on the roof of their Nissan car. They had to dismantle the desk into individual boards in order to move it. Yao-yao carefully saved all the screws so they could put it back together. It took them several trips to finish moving all the stuff. By the end of the day they were all exhausted.

As she watched Newton putting the desk back together, Yao-yao had a lovely warm feeling, like a warm stream flowing through her. She gave Newton a glass of water, saying gently, "Take a spell!" Finally Newton announced that the job was finished, "Done ! Just look at our 'poor' million-dollar home !. Come here and try it out !" Yao-yao ran out of the kitchen and sat on the chair in front of the desk. "It's great ! you're my hero." They hugged each other and smiled happily. Everything in the new home was in order. At this moment, they felt that they were the happiest couple in this world. They had a home of their own. They had each other and unlimited hopes for their future.

In this small house, Yao-yao and Newton had to share one kitchen, one sink, one refrigerator, one oven and one bathroom with two other families. Everyone's schedules were different so it was not a big problem. They were all considerate of one another. But their bedroom was so small and hot. With the double bed and the desk inside it, there was hardly room to stand. But Yao-yao and Newton did not mind. They were satisfied because they had saved themselves a lot of expense.

Being in the "foreign scholar brigade"

Yao-yao worked very hard to save money for her tuition. One cold rainy day she walked down Brookline Street looking for a job in a Chinese restaurant. Again and again she was turned down. She was starting to feel depressed. It was getting dark. People were walking along the street to go into the restaurant for dinner. After walking around all afternoon, she was hungry too. By the light from the restaurant, she saw dishes and dishes of hot food. She was hungry, but she dared not spend any money. She had to save every penny she could for her tuition fees.

She knew that Chinese students could not depend on their parents to give them financial support. Nor could they get financial assistance from the US government. She either had to get a scholarship or save every penny to pay for the expensive tuition fees. At this moment, in her mind she saw the movie "Three Hairs": homeless 'Three Hairs' was walking along a Shanghai street alone. But she was not feeling sorry for herself. As she breathed in the cold air she thought, 'I have a beautiful dream to fulfill'.

A few days later, Yao-yao received a phone call from a restaurant. She could start work as a waitress tomorrow. The next day, Yao-yao went happily off to work.This was the beginning of her working life. At first she could not handle the long 12 hours of work. She could not get used to a life of having to go hungry when others were eating. She had her lunch at 3 pm and dinner at ten. She had to swallow her pride. But every night she received her reward - a number of ten dollar notes - and this was her greatest comfort. She saved every penny for her tuition fund.

She knew that money could not buy everything, but she was not working only for the money. Once, at a party, someone said that people were just coming to America to make big money. Even a month's wages at a restaurant was higher than the annual government salary in China. But more of them said that their purpose in coming to America was to earn an overseas degree from a prestigious university.

She told them the story of "sitting" in an elementary school textbook. She felt that her and Newton's dream was to get out of their small world, so that they would not become narrow minded. Although getting into graduate school was her immediate goal, she knew deep in her heart that their present improverished situation would not last for ever. She believed that if they worked hard and had a clear plan, they would one day leave the difficulties of their present life behind them. They would fulfill her dreams. Because she had a goal, she could battle on with confidence with and perseverance.

So life went on, with lots of hard work and high hopes. Finally, one summer, her dream came true.

The Rhode Island trip

In June, Yao-yao received a letter of acceptance from the Department of Computer Science at Boston University. Finally she was rewarded. That day, Yao-yao walked along with a new confidence. She knew she was going to her own school. She would have her own classmates and study schedule. This was the first step to success. She wanted to make her own way. She could walk out of her house and feel a sense of independence. She told herself she must still keep working hard, with confidence and perseverance.

On July 4th, Yao-yao and Newton accepted a friend Yin-Yin' s invitation to a trip to Rhode Island with a group of friends. Yin-Yin was from China and was a Ph.D. biology student at Harvard. Yao-yao admired her very much. She admired her for being so smart and so warm-hearted. She was a gifted and special person.

The thing that made Yao-yao most curious was how a Ph.D. from Harvard had become a devout Christian. She really loved studying the Bible. Yao-yao had always believed that to be successful, one must rely on oneself and work hard. She could not understand why Yin-yin was always giving thanks to God. Weren't Yin-yin's successes and achievements due to her own efforts? Why did she give God the credit?

Yao-yao admired Yin-yin and was also very curious about her. But she showed no interest in the Bible studies Yin-yin talked about. She did not want to waste her time.

After the Rhode Island outing, Yao-yao got to know a lot of Christian friends. Yao-yao and Newton changed many of their negative views of Christians. Before, they thought that Christians were emotionally weak and lacking in will-power. They were sorry for themselves and shoved all the responsibility on to God. But they got to know that Christians were actually very go-ahead and warm-hearted people; they weren't self-pitying and weak at all. Many of them even said that after they became Christians, their lives were changed. They had come to a correct understanding of themselves. They were no longer proud and self-centered. They still tried their best at what they did but they did not feel anxious about the consequences or results. Their success or failure was in God's hands. So they had peace and joy in their hearts.

That day Yao-yao and Newton realised that their previous view of Christians had been somewhat biased. They became curious about how these Christians' lives had been changed and why the Bible was so highly valued by Christians. That day at the beach they had enjoyed the ocean breezes, hunting for crabs and the bonfire. Their happy laughter had echoed on the wind.

Is life really so fragile?

That fall, Yao-yao could not wait for school to start. But an unwelcome visitor entered her life. On her way home after work at the restaurant, Yao-yao was side-swiped by an overloaded truck..... When she woke up, she was in the ICU in the hospital. An anxious Newton was at her bedside. She wanted to greet him but she didn't have the strength. Except for her right hand and neck, she could not move any part of her body. She had tubes up her nose, an IV in her arm, and instruments above her head monitoring her heart-beat and pulse. What had happened?

At this moment, although Yao-yao had no movement in her body, her thoughts were in a turmoil like a surging ocean: "Can I really not move? Is life so fragile? Has my dream been shattered? Has all my hard work been for nothing? Is this the end of my goals and plans?"

When she woke up on the second day, she felt better. She found that Newton was sitting dozing beside her. She tried to move but could not. He woke up and gripped her hand for dear life. She found out that she had had internal abdominal bleeding and the doctors were having to carry out an emergency procedure. Originally they were going to do the surgery in the middle of the night but she had responded well to an injection and the bleeding had stopped. So they had decided on a different treatment and no surgery would be necessary. But for the next three days her life would be in danger. She still needed to stay in ICU. Newton had been at her side for the last 24 hours.

Yao-yao found that both of her legs were in big tubes, squeezing and relaxing every minute. Newton told her that since she could not move, this artificial facility was helping her circulation. Yao-yao wanted to talk to Newton, but she couldn't because of the tube in her throat. She moved her right hand and Newton gave her a pencil and notepad to write on. There in this foreign land they held hands and gazed into each other's eyes and felt they had the best treasure in the world.

Don't dare to say "Give it your life !"

Yin- yin and her church's foreign pastor with his wife came to visit. Their presence brought so much warmth for Yao-yao. They always came quietly and left quietly. They brought Newton all his meals as if they were taking care of a member of their own family. They did things for Yao-yao too. Yao felt so much love. Warmth and friendship seemed to overcome all differences of race, age and nationality. She felt this river of warmth flowing through her heart and body, giving her hope and strength in life.

The three critical days passed, but Yao-yao still could not move.Her mouth-tube was removed. Her life was no longer at risk. She was transferred to a regular ward. Every day, Yin-yin and church members took turns to bring meals to Newton. Several sisters that Yao-yao did not know came from Yin-yin's Bible study group and sang praise songs to Yao-yao. After two weeks, Yao-yao was discharged from hospital. But they still kept making all kinds of nice meals for Yao-yao.

Yao-yao did not tell her parents about the accident because she did not want to give them any unnecessary worries. Every Saturday night, she still called them to say "Hullo"as usual.

Through this accidentYao-yao sensed the significance and meaning of life. After this life-death experience, she valued life, family and friendship even more. Life seemed to have a deeper significance. She repeatedly asked herself, "What am I really after in my life? Am I willing to pay the price of my life and physical health just for the sake of a degree?" Yin-yin even said, "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"

Yao-yao was deeply touched by the unselfish love and care of this group of Christians. She felt that this big Christian family was full of love and kindness - and truth, goodness and beauty too. She wanted to know about their faith. At this time, she really felt that behind this faith of theirs there was a strong power that could change people's lives. She also felt that Yin-yin was right in giving thanks to God for all things. Simply depending on one's own efforts was not enough.

After the accident, Newton treasured Yao-yao even more. He started to value things outside of the lab, the library and the computer rooms. He could no longer use the slogan "Give it your life !". If you lose your life, what's the significance of success, degrees, fame and money ? During that period of time, Newton would come home earlier. After dinner, they would take a walk, chat and communicate with each other.

After the accident, Yao and Newton started attending the weekly Bible Study with Yin-yin.

Two wonderful festivals

Thanksgiving was approaching. Yao-yao and Newton knew that this was one of the big traditional holidays in America. When the first immigrants came to this land, after months of hard toil in the difficult new environment they had gathered in the harvest. They gave thanks to God for protecting and blessing them and held a big celebration meal to thank God for giving them good weather and a good harvest. It was a great celebration. This tradition has been passed on down through the generations. It was called Thanksgiving.

That day, Newton and Yao-yao attended the Thanksgiving dinner hosted by the school for the international scholars and students. At the dinner table they learned how to use a knife and fork properly. Yao-yao learned the origin of Thanksgiving and she felt thankful too. She thanked the Lord for letting them get to know Yin-yin. Through Yin-yin they had received a love and warmth that came from Heaven itself. They realized how limited human life was and reflected on the meaning and value of life.

Then it was Christmas. On Christmas Eve, Yao-yao and Newton attended the activity hosted by the Bible Study group. In Boston it got dark around 6 pm. Every where was filled with Christmas lights. The holiday atmosphere was palpable. Through people's windows, you could see the homes filled with warmth and light. This made them homesick for Chinese New Year's Eve. The church atmosphere was full of happiness and Yin-yin was excited to see Yao-yao and Newton. She greeted them warmly. New friends and old were greeting one another. It was the kind of warmth you feel in a big family and it made Yao-yao feel good.

They sat down in a corner as the party began. There was a short programme, choir items and the pastor gave a short talk. The room was filled with happiness and joy. With the song "There's a free gift......" the pastor asked the people in the pews over and over again, "There's a free gift. Do you want it? Are you willing to accept it?" Yao-yao's thoughts went back to her home town, to America, to the Intensive Care Unit where she had stayed not so long ago, to the beautiful praise music that Yin-yin had brought to her sick room, and to that phrase, "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?"...... Tears filled her eyes.

On the way home, they were very quiet. Neither of them wanted to break the peaceful quietness. Yao-yao was totally at peace. She knew that she had brought this free gift home with her. She also believed that this "free gift" was God's love. It was God's beloved Son, Jesus Christ, who would change their lives......

The writer is from Mainland China. She now lives in Northern California. She previously worked in the computer science field,but is now a homemaker.