A Bridge Broken; A Dream Awaken

By Mo Zen

That year when "the Bridge of Madison County" was published, many of those I knew read it. But I did not. Later on, a movie based on the book, was played by Meryl Streep and directed by Clint Eastwood. This movie was even better than the fiction. I still did not have a chance to see it. Not very long ago, I got to watch the video tape. Two movie stars in it have done such an excellent job of acting. The audience can appreciate very artistic and detailed expression of the inner worlds of two ordinary people. It is a moving story.

Perfectly beautified emotion and reasoning

The actress in the movie is portrayed as an Italian romantic, happy, sincere, passionate, but some melancholy woman. The role Streep played is a married woman who lives in a traditional culture with ordinary family reality. She limits her dream in prison so has a kind of loneliness and isolation that words cannot describe. This kind of role could easily rouse the empathy of the audience. When they watch the movie, compared to the actress, it's easier for them to accept the theme that the movie tries to express: It is reasonable and acceptable for the woman and the photographer to have "one-night romance".

The actor in the movie is portrayed as a mature, deep but humorous man who has much life experience. He seems to have character that is like a continent that has been attacked by big storm but has become quite, sad, and formable. His reason and passion is charming enough for the woman Streep plays to fall in love with him naturally.

The audience may have much empathy for the choice the woman makes. Also at the end of the story, she has scarified her romance and chooses not to destroy her family and name. Isn't this an honorable sacrifice?

The consequence of this movie has a real societal effect: support and empathy for "one-night romance" from the society. This also gives excuse for people to have freedom of sexuality in this free world. At the same time, this also helps many who already have much lust of committing "one- night romance" to find a way to ignore their guilty feeling. They think: "One-night romance" is fine. It can make your emotional world more abundant. It will fill much excitement in your life, which is so short in this world. This beautiful romance will give you an unforgettable memory but it would not hurt your marriage. With the experience, you will be released from feeling of isolation and anxiety and become more energetic to face your life.

The sex guidance of Hollywood style

Movie is a popular mass media. It should have contents that are inspiring so to encourage the audience to live an ethical life. It should have many higher goals: helping people to pursue for the goodness in life; promoting the morality of the society; and encouraging people to love and be engaged.

However, due to the materialism, people seem to label price on all things, including marriage and love. The movie has reflected this kind of distorted view of the people in society.

I was told that in the 50's and 60's, America was guided by the Christian culture. In public, young people might feel uncomfortable to hold hands. As the rationalism and liberalism develop, the movie industry aims at expanding the market by fulfilling man's lusts when man is easy to be influenced. The Hollywood movie industry eagerly uses man's lust of sex as movie theme in order to make money. Man can therefore find foundation of lusts for sex in movies.

One after another movie has influences on the declining of man's morality. Movie stars are used as beautiful cover paper for the package. Before man can even understand the new concept of sexual freedom, the movie world has already portrayed a poisonous "golden apple" to temp people to become liberal in the view of sexuality.

Soul and body being deformed

The poverty of culture and morality seems to become a sign of modernization. People only care about the trend. If it's the trend, it's good. It is cool. It can be imitated and followed. There are a lot of people around us love to pursue for the trend. However, when they interact with others, they would not admit the pain and hurt they have suffered when they are deep in the trend of sexual lusts. I would describe some of this kind of people in the flowing stories. Perhaps they are real people around us.

Damage on marriage of "One-night romance"

Mr. Lin has a "one-night romance" with an unknown woman introduced by friends when he is out of town for work. The unhealthy sexual relationship does not give him any special ecstasy but creates some deep guilty feeling inside him.

Before the "one-night romance" event takes place, each time when he has sexual interaction with his wife, he always has the deep feeling of being united with his wife in soul and body. In this union, he carries out the responsibility of being a husband, the protection toward her wife, and the fulfillment of her needs. Both can have the complete union of soul and body without any reservation. This kind of union deepens their love and dissolves the quarrel or conflicts in daily life. The joy is more than just the enjoyment from the physical body. But, ever since he has the "one-night romance", he destroys the holy sexual relationship that only belongs to being with his wife, which is seriously ruined. Now what he owns is the strong sense of sorrow and guilt.

Psychological crisis created by "One-night romance"

Mrs. J has very super IQ but ordinary appearance. When she was young she had a prince charming but she got married with an ordinary man Mr. M since she could not wait to get married early. After being married, they have a daughter. Mrs. J has a doctoral degree from China. Mr. M has a good career. They are a middle class family.

Mrs. J desires to live abroad so Mr. M quits his job so he could immigrate to Northern America with her. Based on their abilities, it should not be too difficult to start a new chapter of life in a new environment. However, J has other intention that M knows nothing about. J thinks that in the western world, sexual relationship is liberal and she should experience it. So she establishes a friendship with a professional playboy in a short period of time and get into sex quickly.

J seems to fulfill her dream of having a prince charming. The playboy has no special talents but is very good at sweet talks. J has been satisfied with this kind of vanity. She feels she has no sexual ecstasy with her husband.

J is in a dilemma. On one hand, she is into an unhealthy relationship that requires using self-imagination to satisfy sexual needs. On the other hand, she is already in middle age. She needs to establish a stable home in a foreign country. She needs a responsible husband who can stay beside her to provide her and her daughter sense of security.

To satisfy all her needs, she convinces her husband to have affairs but the condition is not to interfere with her freedom in order to keep this home intact.

The pursuit of J not only ruins her family but also hurts her only daughter psychologically. She gives her loving husband pain that cannot be healed. She herself looses honor and self-love completely. She is seriously destroyed inside. Actually she is living on the edge of nervous break down.

Damage to family by "One-night romance"

Mr. N and Mrs. Y have been married for many years. They have one teen-aged son that almost looks like an adult. The wife comes abroad first. Two years later, the husband quits his job in China to come to have family reunion. He surprisingly finds that his wife already has an affair openly. Although he cannot claim to be innocent in matter like this, his wife knows nothing about his past affairs. Finally all things are exposed. They know each other's ugly past. Both are guilty.They have different personalities: one is quite; the other is extrovert. But both are strong will. At first they quarrel and fight. Then it's a cold war.

This middle- aged couple live in the foreign country with their dream gone. The career and financial situation are not yet well established. They could only tolerate each other to find peace under the same roof. The unfaithfulness and guilty feeling has destroyed their relationship. They sleep in different bedrooms and live like strangers.

The pain created for children by "one-night romance"

In the above three cases, I have not described the hurt their children experience. In reality, the young children suffer the most in this kind of family. The inner world of children is originally a piece of blank paper. Now their parents damaged it by their selfish lusts. The hurt lasts for a life time.

Young children need sense of security and sense of being protected. This greatest security and protection come from the world that their parents create for them with love. This love is expressed in parental care and the interaction in the family as a loving unit. This environment is called "home".

When a child looses the security and protection created by love, they will use their limited thinking and ways to seek for self-protection. They are also subconsciously influenced by the daily interaction in the adult world.

Without a loving environment, Children might have hatred toward their surrounding and use their parents' ways to deal with it. If parents do not take action to help them change, but release their anger toward their children, their children's personality could be damaged seriously. They will show in their interaction with others. They could be filled with no peace and hatred. They think this way they will not be hurt and attacked by others.

Strong willed children could express their pain and anger outwardly and make trouble for the society. Weak ones could use ways to hide themselves. They are pre-mature. They could become cunning to face the cheating and evil aspects of this world. They tend to depend on "strong" people, same sex or opposite sex, for hoping to find security and protection.

A healthy family with parental love is the most secure haven for children. However, when this is lost, they loose the trust from the mostly close people. They therefore loose the trust to everything, including self-trust. When they grow up, it's not easy to overcome this mental disability. Even they might be very successful in career, it's still difficult to get rid of the sense of isolation and loss deep down. The success in career is just a part of self-actualization in life. One's life could be very unhappy since he is in a world that has no loving give and take as well as a society with so many defense mechanisms.

In the modern society, there are so many people having inner pain. Many are caused by the bad consequence of no good marital relationships. Although there are many causes for bad marital relationship, sexual affair will bring the marital relationship to a dead end and make the loving home become unreal.

The real ending of "The Bridge of Madison County"

In "The Bridge of Madison County", it has not described what happen after the traveling photographer takes leave. In the movie, it shows: after the photographer leaves, the woman and her family seem to end their travel and come home. Every thing is back to the normal. But the inner world of the woman is quite different. She seems to find her youth energy and has more tolerance to others. This story shows much tolerance to women who has the same kind of sexual issue but the public isolates this kind of woman in history.

The story has Hollywood styled, beautiful ending. But I believe in real life, "The Bridge of Madison County" might have the following ending: The single man will wonder around in the world. Because of his sexual relationship with this woman, he will boldly seek opportunities to be alone with single females or women who live by themselves. He knows that woman needs sex, the vanity love to compensate the unfulfilled marital relationship. He will play this "heroic" role so his own needs can also be fulfilled.

When he says farewell to the women, he will not be so sad like how he feels in the movie since he knows nothing is real in the romance. Only sex counts. It's just to fulfill each other's needs. Passion is like wind, flying away soon. You don't need to take real responsibility or fulfill any obligation.

The woman's situation can be a mess. After her passion of "one-night romance" disappears, the old life will hit again. Since she has tasted the passion, she will not be able to tolerate the marital life that she was used to before. She will be hungry for the short living passionate moment. The affair, the warmth and loving touch to her are becoming more and more attractive. It will be like a poisonous hook to attract her. She will hungrily pursue for it like an addict.

Being a housewife and mother limits her moving around, she will need to use self-imagination and sexual fantasy to chase away her loneliness. Her boredom and anxiety cannot be expressed in words to others. She has to suffer it slowly.

Her relationship with her husband will change. She will still have sex with her husband as if carrying out daily routines. She may have some satisfaction from it but she might miss that "one-night romance" so much that she gradually dislike her husband's behaviors. She will try to cover up her inner emotion with no success.

Any husband can sense his wife's inner world from her reaction to their sexual relationship since good sex requires both parts' full participation. When his wife becomes indifferent to him, he will doubt her. This is the brokenness of the bridge and the ending of a tragedy.

The bridge is broken. News says that it's destroyed because of the traditional view of marriage and people destroy it on purpose. But I believe the warning is: Marriage is holy. It cannot be ruined by any mean. When people look for physical satisfaction outside of marriage to fulfill their sexual lusts, the tragedy will definitely take place.

The tragedy of "the Bridge" is the tragedy of our time; the tragedy of the society; and the tragedy of humanity. It's the natural consequence of evil doing. It leads to the brokenness of marriage and affects the moral condition of the world. The good old world is gone. Many sexual diseases and AIDS become popular due to this kind of tragedy.

God establishes the sexual relationship in marriage for multiplying the population of mankind, for establishing the loving relationship and for the union of soul and body. This truth is carried out in all races and cultures in the world. The truth is holy and beautiful. Any thing against the truth can create pain and sorrow.

Author is from China; now lives in Canada.